Archive for April, 2009
10
not the silly car i drove
or the goofy hair i had
not the food we didn’t eat
or the movie that was bad
not the single-gendered dorm
with girls passing in the hall
not the rectress around the corner
watching one and all
not even the smell of onion bagels
from the garbage bin
could keep our lips from touching
once our romance did begin
09
04 2009
Fat Man on a Bench
that shirt
probably fit him
once
but not today
the cool breeze
slapping through the treetops
says hello
to his bare, bulbous belly
(but there is no answer)
he is busy eating a polish sausage
these sounds with every bite: labored breaths through narrow nasal passages, wax paper crinkling beneath pudgy fingertips, wings fluttering as attentive pigeons jockey for position (should some small morsel fall)
and then one does
the slippery slice of onion slides off his sausage, and drops straight onto his stomach
this, he notices
and as quickly as it fell, he scoops it up slurps it down and catches me staring at him
his revenge is swift: two hands encircle his shiny, oil-stained navel, one quick shake in my direction and he returns to his meal
he’s shown me his belly bagel
and deep down, i know i deserve it
he is busy eating a polish sausage
these sounds with every bite: labored breaths through narrow nasal passages, wax paper crinkling beneath pudgy fingertips, wings fluttering as attentive pigeons jockey for position (should some small morsel fall)
and then one does
the slippery slice of onion slides off his sausage, and drops straight onto his stomach
this, he notices
and as quickly as it fell, he scoops it up slurps it down and catches me staring at him
his revenge is swift: two hands encircle his shiny, oil-stained navel, one quick shake in my direction and he returns to his meal
he’s shown me his belly bagel
and deep down, i know i deserve it
08
04 2009
The Bagel of Love
My love for you’s a circle
a never-ending ring
As soon as I complete it
I start circling again
Before long I get dizzy
and back and forth I sway
But still I keep on loving you
until I can’t see straight
At some point I get spin-sick
start hacking up a lung
I black out then come to face down
in half-digested onion
Yet I know it’s all worth it
for you’re my favorite thing
I’ll shower off then get right back
to loving you again
07
04 2009
great american works
framed paintings
up on the wall
hundreds like them
just down the hall
many sculptures out on display bronze, ivory, marble and clay
bold photos large and well-lit thoughtful viewers ponder and sit
but out in the lobby on the food cart a fresh onion bagel — now that is art!
many sculptures out on display bronze, ivory, marble and clay
bold photos large and well-lit thoughtful viewers ponder and sit
but out in the lobby on the food cart a fresh onion bagel — now that is art!
topics: art
05
04 2009
high rise
steaming stack
of onion bagels
towering toward
the sky
your scope
is stirring
your highness
is humbling
your aroma
arouses all
i think you are quite an erection
i think you are quite an erection
04
04 2009
blogmaster #1!!!
my bagel blog is going strog
it gets mo hits than that sk8boarding dog
my bagel vids get wachted a ton n like “mentos & plain” and “2 girls 1 onion”
ok im lyin nobuddy reads it sideways sad face ctrl-alt-delede it
w/all this typos itll nvr get big can i has sum sorta spell-check on this thig?
read my posts n yo mind will boggle
if u dont bleave me look it up on goggle
i brake da newz just like perez
and my bannrs earn lrge chedder chese
my bagel vids get wachted a ton n like “mentos & plain” and “2 girls 1 onion”
ok im lyin nobuddy reads it sideways sad face ctrl-alt-delede it
w/all this typos itll nvr get big can i has sum sorta spell-check on this thig?
03
04 2009
Beans
My baby is the beans to my burrito
the Cool Ranch seasoning to my Dorito
Her love’s the hot sauce on my chicken wing
she always gets my gravy thickening
She’s the Pez I want in my Dispenser
she knows how to put garlic in my mincer
My girl’s the icing on my English tea cake
and the Whiz Wit’ inside my Philly Cheesesteak
She’s the sugar in my coffee and the honey in my tea
the Fruit that’s in my Roll-Up and the Sun in my Capri
She’s wasabi on my sushi and the corn around my cob
the super tasty Everlasting stopper to my Gob
As if this weren’t already a fulfilling love buffet I’ll
just throw in that my baby is the onion to my bagel
topics: love
02
04 2009
Intelligent Design
Though there are many bagels, with tons of tastes to savor,
I couldn’t shake the feeling there must be a chosen flavor,
The doubters spoke up often, and said No You can’t Never,
But still to find this favored taste became my life’s endeavor,
My science was unfailing, my methods on the level,
They proved beyond suspicion that most bagels were the devil,
I counted and recounted, some seventy times seven,
And now it’s plain to see that onion bagels come from heaven.
