Don’t tell him I said this
Between you and me,
there’s this guy
on the docks
who works eighteen hour shifts
He opens
beer bottles
just with his teeth
and catches black marlin barehanded
He benches
three eighty
runs marathons each week
and memorized Pi to ninety digits
He tries law
in Jersey
and wins every case
and always finds contact lenses when you drop them
He tutors
celebrities’ kids
in ceramics
and decorates condos on the weekends
He’s a universal donor
a volunteer firefighter
a Big Brother, a junior senator and a physician
He can solve
all your problems
and answer your prayers —
but not until he gets his morning onion bagel in him,
because before that he’s just a big old worthless sleepy crabby crankypants
