a tissue tirade –or– putting your nose where it doesn’t belong

i take some real issues with soft facial tissues
being utilized as breakfast plates
they’ve many a feature that could make you reach your
wit’s end in desperate straits

when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster
to safeguard your palm’s tender skin
but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena
its armor’s insufficiently thin

also on this topic it would be myopic
to think a mere Kleenex could guard
from getting quite ripped each time that it’s gripped
too tight against an onion shard

and you’ve got a brain disease if you like your cream cheese
covered with fine tissue lint
and unless you like tallow eating crust smeared with aloe
is something you’ll wish that you didn’t

so throw that Scott’s from your hand and yell Puffs you be damned
if you don’t want your mouth to feel crapped in
for optimum flavor do your taste buds a favor
and please put your bagel on a napkin

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03 2009

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