Posts Tagged ‘music’

Rabbi’s Delight

Come up to my crib, ya’ll
And don’t forget yo’ bib, ya’ll
‘Cuz we gon’ eat some bay-galls
And crumbs gon’ straight be sprayed all
Over yo’ baby da-ddy
And in yo’ momma’s Ca-ddy
Yo’ gramps be gettin’ mad, G
Cuz’ crumbs stick to his plaid, see?

Now when I eat my bagel I be eatin’ da’ whole thing, yo
So don’t be try’n ta’ jack me Esse just cuz’ I’m a gringo
The shorties like the sweet ones and the old folks like the wheats
But any kinds-a bagels are the kinds I’s likes ta’ eats

Some suckas like a sticky bun (bun)
And toast-eatas can eat my gun (gun)
You think yo’ gold chain weighs a ton (ton?)
My bagel’s all blinged out with uhn (yun!)

My baby’s got Gucci, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got chronic, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got babies, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got herpes.


12 2009

Sonnet XII

This bagel’s somewhat darker than I like
Like Cage and Shue instead of Cheech and Chong
Or Jack Bauer instead of Barney Fife
I guess I let it toast a bit too long

These onions overwhelm all with their taste
Like Donald Trump with marble, glass and gold
Or one whose favorite band is Ace of Base
I guess my mixing hand was just too bold

This hole is fairly larger than ideal
Like any screen that broadcasts Carrot Top
Or any speaker playing songs by Seal
I guess my fingers knew not when to stop

But even though my similes are crummy,
I still think that this bagel’s pretty yummy


11 2009

Past Mistakes –or– Breakfast Is On Me, Beyoncé

You told me if I like it then
I shoulda put a ring on it
(Which I never did for you)

But I like this onion bagel
Way too much to ever lose it
(So I put it in a stack of two)


10 2009

The King of Pop

The King of Pop, from an early age,
Popped the greatest toasters ever popped on stage;
He toasted every bread-based food from A to Z,
(And made it look easier than 1-2-3);
The darkness dial master, he knew just how to heat it,
If you tried to outpop him, he’d tell you to go beat it;
His pops had height and distance, their artistry was killer,
Everyone would scream and shout, your toast is such a thriller!
He cooked both wheat and Wonder, ’til they took to flight,
It clearly didn’t matter if his toasts were black or white;

Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside,
He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.


07 2009

Round – A Round Sung in Three Parts, Preferably Not by a Chorus of Schoolchildren

I love you, bagel
So round and plump,
Your curvy onionness
Makes my heart thump,
Sometimes I wish that we
Could hump,
My bagel
Round and plump

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07 2009

the comeback – or – what is whitesnake eating right now anyway?

i don’t know what i’m eatin’
but i sure know what i ate
burpin’ up the onion gas
from bread rings of yesterday

now i know how it feels
to taste again my long since finished meal

here it comes again

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06 2009

Duly Noted

When Snoop Dogg asks you
To break ‘im off a piece
Of Onizzle Bagazzizzle,

He probably isn’t talking
About your Onion Bagel.


06 2009

but he don’t know what’s cookin’ – or – what’s coolio gonna’ eat for breakfast now?

there ain’t no bagel like an oniony bagel
cuz’ an oniony bagel’s got style
so when you see a young baker
pourin’ onions out his shaker
then ya’ gotta’ give that baker a smile

i said 5-6-7-8
get your bagel on my plate

gonna’ gonna’ eat mine, and then yours
gonna’ gonna’ eat mine, and then yours

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06 2009

I feel that I have a strong, personal bond with musical artists that I have never, nor will ever, meet

My favorite rapper got disrespected
So naturally I’m quite affected
It’s like a bagel that I selected
Was onionless — I’m so dejected!


06 2009

time to celebrate

hit the rock
now boom! let’s blow it up
then pump your fist in circles
and bark just like a pup

raise the roof
a chest bump in midair!
let’s wave our limbs around
as if we just don’t care

kick your heels
spirit fingers full of pride
now line up all our friends
for the electric slide!

silent cheer!
gimme five! no gimme ten!
we’re having onion bagels
for our breakfast again!


04 2009