Posts Tagged ‘religion’

The Judgment

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
When it’s all settled then you must
Look back and ask Did I do well?
(Read: Will I go to heaven, or will I go to hell?)
Did I make the most of gifts I was given?
Did I show thanks for the life I was livin’?
Did I love my friends and my family too?
Did I even love people I hardly knew?
Did I make the most of every minute?
(Read: Were all my bagels ones with onion in it?)

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25

02 2009


by andy
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Religious Intolerance

The day Monsignor switched
the Eucharist
out for mini onion Bagel Bites®

Was the day
they sent him
to another parish

And a dark day
for the Church
indeed

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14

02 2009


by andy
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Confession

I’m a churchgoing bagel, Heaven is my goal
I’m a God-fearing bagel, only He can save my soul
I’m a tolerating bagel, I won’t judge a jelly roll
I’m a virtue-laden bagel, which is something to extol

Yet I’m a weak-willed bagel when the Devil takes control
and I can’t stop inserting objects in my onion hole

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05

02 2009


by andy
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Green Onion Bagel (I)

It must’ve fallen
from the counter,
and rolled back
here only God
knows when

Breath bated,
I reach behind
the fridge

and bag it

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26

01 2009


by andy
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On Being Pungent

I’ve seen them staring
sideways and shifty
eyelids aflutter, thinking
I’d better be subtle
but it’s too late
for the flare of their nostrils
betrays them
What is that smell?
they wonder and
their wandering eyes
inevitably fall
to me

I’ve seen d-i-s-g-u-s-t
written upon their faces
but I
can read
between the lines
I know
those looks
are not for me
but for their friends
for the others for
the public for
a-p-p-e-a-r-a-n-c-e-s

For when they draw
closed their
kitchen drapes
these puritanical politicians
these religiously righteous
refusers s-t-o-p
turning up their noses —
they come in close
breathe in deep
and taste
I’ve seen them do it
I’ve seen them all

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23

01 2009


by andy
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Sonnet I

I stood one winter by the river’s bank,
And gazed across at the thickening ice.
I had my Lord and my baker to thank,
For my meal was warm, so toasty and nice.
It smelled of onions, life’s richest bouquet,
Its skin shimmered brown beneath the sun’s glow.
Though heav’nly bodies I dare not betray,
I swear I beheld it melting the snow!
The blanket of white was thinned to a sheet,
And life anew arose hysterical,
Up sprouted shrubbery, grasses and wheat:
Eden reborn, a wond’rous miracle!
Soon that frozen river babbled once more,
And I swam safely to the other shore.

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04

01 2009


by andy
posted in sonnet
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sugarplums, schmugarplums

the only visions
i want dancing in my head
are
round
doughy
onion flavored
and jewish

happy holidays
everybody

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25

12 2008


by andy
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True Story

I
once saw
a baker
toss an onion
in water
boiling
hot.

On
closer
inspection,
it was covered
with tiny
bagels
!!!

“He,”
said I
to no one
but God, “is a
genius.
Also,
he’s

dyslexic.”

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22

12 2008


by andy
posted in shape
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