Posts Tagged ‘flavors’


Some people are like chocolate bagels
too sweet to befriend
While others act like garlic bagels
bitter to the end
Those jalapeño cheddar types
think substance equals style
While yawn-inducing plain ol’ folks
aren’t even worth your while

That’s why the people I love most
achieve a noble balance
They’re more fun than some slice of toast
but don’t brag on their talents
They’re real and true like doughy rings
sprung from the onion seed
They don’t try to be everything
but they’re everything I need


07 2009

your test results are in

the hospital facilities
are all state of the art,
with sections for diseases
of the lungs, skin, brain and heart

yet doctors aren’t the only ones
who meet such strict criteria,
the bar’s set just as high down
at the campus cafeteria

the freshest fruits and veggies
are brought in every day,
and pastas, meats and cheeses
form a dazzling buffet

but probably the choicest part
would be the bagel station,
with every flavor known to man
of ringéd dough temptation

plain, egg, garlic, sesame,
blueberry, everything
and countless others kneel before
the mighty onion king

if you don’t want to taste all that
or at least give just one lick,
then turn around and see a nurse
’cause you are truly sick


05 2009

Intelligent Design

Though there are many bagels, with tons of tastes to savor,
I couldn’t shake the feeling there must be a chosen flavor,
The doubters spoke up often, and said No You can’t Never,
But still to find this favored taste became my life’s endeavor,
My science was unfailing, my methods on the level,
They proved beyond suspicion that most bagels were the devil,
I counted and recounted, some seventy times seven,
And now it’s plain to see that onion bagels come from heaven.


04 2009

Ma Bagel

Ma Bagel used to run this town
and everybody in it
She held the House Reps in Her palm
and puppeteered the Senate

Unchecked Her business crushed the hopes
of each entrepreneur
If you craved onions, wheats or plains
you had to go through Her

Her reach was omnipresent
with prices nearing rape
She ruled all with a Doughy Fist
that no one could escape

When finally a lawsuit took
Her hands from the controls
The hungry people growled no more
“Ma has me by the holes!”


03 2009

The Bagelor

First he picked the Sesame
but when he sent the Other away,
The rivers pouring from his eyes
his true feelings did betray

The memories of departed love
were not ones he could shake,
So when he had a second chance
he said this was a mistake

He broke the fresh-baked Bagel heart
of the first one that he chose,
Then wisely offered his Onion love
the last and final rose


03 2009

The Connoisseur

He holidays in bagel country
hits all the hottest spots
greets bakers on a first name basis
tastings are complimentary

He holds poppies to the light
muses about maturity
swirls sesames with expert deft
deciphers intricate bouquets

He chews blueberries reflectively
spits them out like the others
but when they offer him onions
he swallows, then goes back for seconds


02 2009

Reflections on Daughterhood

“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
My mother would often warn me,
“Although they may make you feel thankful,
Such gifts are quite often not free.”

If only my youthful ears listened
Alas! I believed I knew better,
My morals were frequently loosened
By an Xs- and Bagels-signed letter.

I’d smile for a boy serving sesames,
I’d wink at a guy wielding wheats,
Before long, men were undressing me
By baiting me with blueberry treats.

But my heart only fell for one Romeo
Who made me forget all the rest,
His sweet onion bagel aroma
Awakened true love in my breast.

In nine months I found myself natal,
And our daughter drove him away,
“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
I oftentimes tell her today.


01 2009


seems oh so overwhelming
feels a little too Plain
Seeds of all sorts
tend to bunch up my shorts
And Garlic
leaves a bad taste in my brain

what a wasted opportunity
makes me thirsty as a flea
Cheese Ones are disquieting
(they make me feel like dieting)
And Egg
would revolt the bourgeoisie

only serve to clog my toaster
will destroy you just like meth
Jalapenos, leave me be
For there’s just one kind for me
Give me Onion
or give me a swift death!

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12 2008


the first tear came from chopping onions
but the ones that came next:
salty memories
long forgotten
straight from hell
or middle school
(she wasn’t sure which)

part of her wished she hadn’t remembered at all

next time
she’d make sesame bagels


12 2008