Posts Tagged ‘illness’

A Simple Request

I’m fine if I’m allergic
To cats or dogs or hay
Or if pollen tends to make my nose all runny
If my tongue starts to swell
From fish that’s in a shell
I’ll just get used to talking kind of funny

I wouldn’t mind if I could die
From just a trace of peanut
Or if I had to live in fear of bees
But please God keep from me
The dreaded allergy
Of fresh baked onion bagel halves and cream cheese


05 2009

stone sober logic

i woke in bagel puke again
familiar onion sludge
but i had zero drinks last night
so don’t be quick to judge

i think i must be suffering
from some foodborne disease
’cause whiskeys tend not to expire
but sometimes does cream cheese

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04 2009

The Bagel of Love

My love for you’s a circle
a never-ending ring
As soon as I complete it
I start circling again
Before long I get dizzy
and back and forth I sway
But still I keep on loving you
until I can’t see straight
At some point I get spin-sick
start hacking up a lung
I black out then come to face down
in half-digested onion
Yet I know it’s all worth it
for you’re my favorite thing
I’ll shower off then get right back
to loving you again

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04 2009

Drinkin’ Song

I woke up this morning with me head achin’ split,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
From drinkin’ two too many whiskeys last nit’,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
The light from the window was awfully brigh’,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
And it hurt worse me head when I squint shut me eye,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
So I went to the bathroom where me aspirin are kempt,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
When I turned o’er the bottle it was completely empt’,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
So I stumbled out the room and to the stairwell,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
But me hand missed the railing and downward I fell,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
End over end I tumbled toward the floor,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
Then me poor poundin’ head smashed through the kitchen door,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
Onto the linoleum I did flop,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
When I heard the toaster above me go pop,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
And across the sky flew some things that weren’t toast,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
But two pipin’ hot halves of the food I love most,
Oh bagel-ee, oh bagel-ah, oh bagel-i-o
End over end they dropped right in me mou’,
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o
And wouldn’t you know me head feels better now!
Oh onion-ee, oh onion-ah, oh onion-i-o


03 2009

Limerick #5

There once was a lassie from Galway
who rolled onion bagels down the hallway
Although she was purty
she got my rolls dirty
Which turned my poor stomach in no small way

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03 2009

a tissue tirade –or– putting your nose where it doesn’t belong

i take some real issues with soft facial tissues
being utilized as breakfast plates
they’ve many a feature that could make you reach your
wit’s end in desperate straits

when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster
to safeguard your palm’s tender skin
but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena
its armor’s insufficiently thin

also on this topic it would be myopic
to think a mere Kleenex could guard
from getting quite ripped each time that it’s gripped
too tight against an onion shard

and you’ve got a brain disease if you like your cream cheese
covered with fine tissue lint
and unless you like tallow eating crust smeared with aloe
is something you’ll wish that you didn’t

so throw that Scott’s from your hand and yell Puffs you be damned
if you don’t want your mouth to feel crapped in
for optimum flavor do your taste buds a favor
and please put your bagel on a napkin

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03 2009

It’s Party Time

It’s okay if the sour cream has turned
or if the sautéed garlic got completely burned
Don’t worry that the avocado’s black
or that the roasted peppers liquified right in their sack
Who really cares if the cheese is mostly mold
or the center of the chicken breast is still a little cold

‘Cause even the vilest, most revolting dip
tastes pretty damn good on an onion bagel chip

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02 2009

speech on a sidewalk

hold on to your bag, lady
or you gonna lose it
cuz i think you’s
in harm’s way
this city moves fast and
those cars move faster
and your cart
with that bum wheel
ain’t helping any

i see your mouth moving
it’s talking to no one
and no body
is listening good
your temper goes quick
but your loved ones go quicker
til one day
you’s all you
got left

hold on to your bagel, lady
cuz i think you hungry
and that’s all the food
that you got
those onions smell stanky
but your breath smell stankier
and i won’t always be
givin you
this advice


02 2009

Green Onion Bagel (V)

I hope my eyes
are deceiving me
I think that bagel’s
about to blow



01 2009

The Onion, The Bagel, The Cream Cheese, and The Child Complaining of Hunger Pains

Maybe if you grease me,
I might grill better

Were you to toast me,
I might taste better

Perhaps if you stir me,
I might spread better

If only you would feed me,
I might finally be able to stop suffering from malnutrition


01 2009