Posts Tagged ‘travel’

Maybe Australia

Complimentary bagel
Compliments of whom, exactly?
The maid?
The shuttle driver?
The front desk clerk?
Something tells me
You didn’t come from The Chef

You are utterly plain
Seedless
Onionless
Tasteless
Heartless

You are squeamishly soft
And spineless
Your crust makes a plasticy
Squeak
Against my teeth

You are a soul crusher
A crusher of souls
How must it feel to crush a man’s soul
so early in the morning?

They call you Continental
But what continent on Earth
Would claim you?

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25

06 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
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Haiku #7

Top-to-bottom cut —
Good for onion treats to go,
Yet untoastable.

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18

05 2009


by andy
posted in haiku
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Scent by Numbers

At mile marker 98
just past Route 42
I like to put the windows down
and let fresh air blow through

First I pass the rows of corn
tall and green like trees
Their smell, though nice, sticks in my teeth
so I give them a “3”

Next up is the berry patch
a sweet and fragrant heaven
But too much sugar rots my nose
still they get a “7”

Finally the onion fields
come up around the bend
Their pungent, piercing, bold bouquet
earns them a perfect “10”

I breathe in deep and scrunch my nose
just like Robert DeNiro
Until I pass the cattle ranch —
with its stinky, bagel “Zero”

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15

05 2009


by andy
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voyage

rowing my trusty onion skin
across the bagel sea
serrated oars slice silently
through creamy swells
chop
chop
chop
though arms grow weary
i forge ahead
my love lies waiting
on yonder shore
and no crumby surf
no red hot coil of sun
no dark and bottomless whirl
amidst this vast unforgiving pool
shall keep me away
from her

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03

05 2009


by andy
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row 32

tiny stewardess
slinking down the aisle
active little hands
serving snack after snack after snack

you smile, share a laugh
shuffle through your shelves
so long at each row!
so many more to go
if you’re out
of onion bagels
when you reach my seat
i’m bringing down this goddamned airplane
so help me jesus

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26

04 2009


by andy
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Limerick #5

There once was a lassie from Galway
who rolled onion bagels down the hallway
Although she was purty
she got my rolls dirty
Which turned my poor stomach in no small way

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28

03 2009


by andy
posted in limerick
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storm

i drove my auto through the night
one blustery winter’s eve
the gusts gave press with all their might
i scarcely could believe
just when my arms were near to break
from tugging on the wheel
i spied a falling white snowflake
(at least i did so feel)
but as it neared the roadway shale
that dot grew much in size
and turned into a stone of hail
before my very eyes
i tried to swerve and miss its path
but it could not be done
it struck my hood with such a wrath
the shot rang like a gun
i stopped the car and out i went
needing to look twice
at the big, bashed bagel-shaped dent
and onion-sized ball of ice

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26

03 2009


by andy
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hotel, motel, onion bagel inn

stopped
by
several
B&Bs

…

sadly
“B” never
stood for
“bagel”

…

such
b.s.

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25

03 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
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The God’s Honest Truth

‘Twas yesterday I kissed the stone
high upon the tower
And though I could not have been gone
e’en more than an hour
Its wond’rous spirit did come down
filling me with power
To charm the skin off an onion
and sell a bag’l flour

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22

03 2009


by andy
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City Bagel vs. Country Bagel

In the city, crusts get hardened
you can’t grow onions without a garden

But in the country, you’ll find rest
the fires are toasty and the cream cheese fresh

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20

03 2009


by andy
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