{"id":214,"date":"2009-07-13T18:08:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-14T01:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=214"},"modified":"2010-02-15T08:13:05","modified_gmt":"2010-02-15T16:13:05","slug":"our-top-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=214","title":{"rendered":"Our Top Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<address>Could just eating breakfast murder your dog?<\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">I gasp at the TV, jaw hung agog<\/span><\/address>\n<address>Groceries are sending our kittens to heaven!<\/address>\n<address>Will your pet be next? Find out at eleven!<\/address>\n<address><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">_<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Harrowed, I stroke at my furrowing brow,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Searching for ways to avoid this somehow;<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">What could be causing these untimely deaths?<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">My pulse speeds to pace my quickening breaths<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Too harried to sit, too nervous to eat,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">My bagel untouched I let plunge to my feet;<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Hour after hour I pace rings on the rug,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Damn that reporter&#8217;s interest-piquing mug!<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">I watch all the game shows, the sitcoms and then<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">An expos\u00e9 on cream cheese industry men;<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Finally that local news theme music comes:<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">The <\/span>dee de-dee dee<span style=\"font-style: normal;\">s, the <\/span>dum du-dum dum<span style=\"font-style: normal;\">s<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Smiles and makeup and teeth ear to ear,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">This is what I&#8217;ve waited so long to hear!<\/span><\/address>\n<address>If you love your pet, there are steps you must take!<\/address>\n<address>We&#8217;ll say what they are, right after this break!<\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">_<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Blast it! How long these attention whores stall!<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">I fling the remote, and flinch as its fall<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Is broken by Fluffy, asleep on the floor;<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Oh please be okay! I beg and implore<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Peering much closer, I see what I dread<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">On top of its shoulders, and below its head;<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">The bagel I&#8217;d dropped has turned hard as a puck,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">An oniony noose, &#8217;round its neck now stuck<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\"><br \/>\n<\/span><\/address>\n<address><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">The anchor&#8217;s voice pierces my ears with a chill:<\/span><\/address>\n<address>Get food off the ground, &#8217;cause bagels can kill!<\/address>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Could just eating breakfast murder your dog? I gasp at the TV, jaw hung agog Groceries are sending our kittens to heaven! Will your pet be next? Find out at eleven! _ Harrowed, I stroke at my furrowing brow, Searching for ways to avoid this somehow; What could be causing these untimely deaths? My pulse [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[102,201,87,255,68],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/214"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=214"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/214\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":215,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/214\/revisions\/215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}