{"id":22,"date":"2009-01-02T22:39:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-03T05:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=22"},"modified":"2009-09-29T13:03:45","modified_gmt":"2009-09-29T20:03:45","slug":"dont-tell-him-i-said-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=22","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t tell him I said this"},"content":{"rendered":"<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">Between you and me,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">there&#8217;s this guy<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">on the docks<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">who works eighteen hour shifts<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He opens<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">beer\u00a0bottles<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">just with his teeth<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and catches black marlin barehanded<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He benches<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">three eighty<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">runs marathons each week<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and memorized Pi to ninety digits<\/span><\/address>\n<div>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He tries law<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">in Jersey<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and wins every case<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and always finds contact lenses when you drop them<\/span><\/address>\n<\/div>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He tutors<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">celebrities&#8217; kids<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">in ceramics<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and decorates condos on the weekends<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He&#8217;s a universal donor<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">a volunteer firefighter<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">a Big Brother, a junior senator and a physician<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">He can solve<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">all your problems<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">and answer your prayers \u2014<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">but not until he gets his morning onion bagel in him,<\/span><\/address>\n<address><span style=\"font-style: normal;\">because before that he&#8217;s just a big old worthless sleepy crabby crankypants<img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/tracker\/300317138275289474-7841901928329134546?l=poemsaboutonionbagels.blogspot.com\" alt=\"\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" \/><\/span><\/address>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Between you and me, there&#8217;s this guy on the docks who works eighteen hour shifts He opens beer\u00a0bottles just with his teeth and catches black marlin barehanded He benches three eighty runs marathons each week and memorized Pi to ninety digits He tries law in Jersey and wins every case and always finds contact lenses [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[98,16],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":907,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22\/revisions\/907"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}