{"id":88,"date":"2009-03-09T17:49:00","date_gmt":"2009-03-10T00:49:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=88"},"modified":"2009-10-06T08:28:56","modified_gmt":"2009-10-06T15:28:56","slug":"a-tissue-tirade-%e2%80%93or%e2%80%93-putting-your-nose-where-it-doesnt-belong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/?p=88","title":{"rendered":"a tissue tirade \u2013or\u2013 putting your nose where it doesn’t belong"},"content":{"rendered":"
i take some real issues with soft facial tissues<\/span><\/address>\n
being utilized as breakfast plates<\/span><\/address>\n
they’ve many a feature that could make you reach your<\/span><\/address>\n
wit’s end in desperate straits<\/span><\/address>\n

\n<\/span><\/address>\n
when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster<\/span><\/address>\n
to safeguard your palm’s tender skin<\/span><\/address>\n
but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena<\/span><\/address>\n
its armor’s insufficiently thin<\/span><\/address>\n

\n<\/span><\/address>\n
also on this topic it would be myopic<\/span><\/address>\n
to think a mere Kleenex could guard<\/span><\/address>\n
from getting quite ripped each time that it’s gripped<\/span><\/address>\n
too tight against an onion shard<\/span><\/address>\n

\n<\/span><\/address>\n
and you’ve got a brain disease if you like your cream cheese<\/span><\/address>\n
covered with fine tissue lint<\/span><\/address>\n
and unless you like tallow eating crust smeared with aloe<\/span><\/address>\n
is something you’ll wish that you didn’t<\/span><\/address>\n

\n<\/span><\/address>\n
so throw that Scott’s from your hand and yell Puffs you be damned<\/span><\/address>\n
if you don’t want your mouth to feel crapped in<\/span><\/address>\n
for optimum flavor do your taste buds a favor<\/span><\/address>\n
and please put your bagel on a napkin<\/span><\/address>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

i take some real issues with soft facial tissues being utilized as breakfast plates they’ve many a feature that could make you reach your wit’s end in desperate straits when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster to safeguard your palm’s tender skin but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena its armor’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[146,42,68],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":998,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions\/998"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poemsaboutonionbagels.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}