poems about onion bagels

There are such things as stupid questions

Some people ask, Why onions, Ted?

Why not some other flavored bread?

Why must your favor just be found

in bagels with bulbs from the ground?

To such as these I turn and sneer

then slice their throats from ear to ear

I’ve no time for naïveté

And my name’s Andy, anyway

Starvin’ Marvin’s nickname rhymed but it wasn’t accurate

For he snacked on onion bagels everywhere he came or went

Then he witnessed No Puke Luke proving his name wasn’t right

That’s when the first misnamed man fin’lly lost his appetite

topics: illness, names

Reginald Williamson Bagel the Third

Married an onion bulb (or so I heard)

Until honeymoonin’

He thought she was human

(I think the whole thing’s completely absurd)