Archive for February, 2009
It’s Party Time
It’s okay if the sour cream has turned
or if the sautéed garlic got completely burned
Don’t worry that the avocado’s black
or that the roasted peppers liquified right in their sack
Who really cares if the cheese is mostly mold
or the center of the chicken breast is still a little cold
‘Cause even the vilest, most revolting dip tastes pretty damn good on an onion bagel chip
‘Cause even the vilest, most revolting dip tastes pretty damn good on an onion bagel chip
27
02 2009
The Beginning
Ring that bagel ’round the moon!
Sprinkle the stars with onions!
Cut the comets with butter knives, and
Smother the cosmos in cream cheese!
Plug your toasters into the sun
And dial them up to Darkest!
We’ve got a world of work to do
So we really mustn’t skip breakfast!
26
02 2009
The Judgment
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
When it’s all settled then you must
Look back and ask Did I do well?
(Read: Will I go to heaven, or will I go to hell?)
Did I make the most of gifts I was given?
Did I show thanks for the life I was livin’?
Did I love my friends and my family too?
Did I even love people I hardly knew?
Did I make the most of every minute?
(Read: Were all my bagels ones with onion in it?)
25
02 2009
Limerick #3
when i taste a rich bagel crust
whose onion topping is robust
the joy’s so severe
that i truly do fear
my tongue might spontaneously combust
23
02 2009
An Obviously Unjust Verdict
I warning you Judge, I’m gonna’ appeal
‘Cause these twelve aren’t a jury of my peers
None of them are as good-looking as me
Their schooling pales next to my Ph.D.
Heads of state never ask for their advice
Party planners don’t sculpt their busts in ice
Their 401Ks aren’t fully vested
And they weren’t just recently arrested
There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still ‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill
There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still ‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill
