Posts Tagged ‘waste’

Thanks for the rhyme, Zach Galifianakis

Smelly bag of onion bagels rotting in the sun
It’s such a shame to see you go to waste
Though I know decaying rings aren’t good for anyone
I can’t help but long for just a taste

I want to feel the crush of moldy fuzz against my teeth
Gorging on you right here in the yard
Then break your crust and tongue the putrid liquid underneath
— Does that make me some sort of retard?


09 2009

that ain’t right

i seen a ton a awfull things
i shielded lots a eyes
of teeny tiny sweet young things
that needn’t be so wise

i seen many a frightfull sight
but never seen a man
take just one onion bagel bite
then toss it in the can

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09 2009

The King of Pop

The King of Pop, from an early age,
Popped the greatest toasters ever popped on stage;
He toasted every bread-based food from A to Z,
(And made it look easier than 1-2-3);
The darkness dial master, he knew just how to heat it,
If you tried to outpop him, he’d tell you to go beat it;
His pops had height and distance, their artistry was killer,
Everyone would scream and shout, your toast is such a thriller!
He cooked both wheat and Wonder, ’til they took to flight,
It clearly didn’t matter if his toasts were black or white;

Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside,
He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.


07 2009

See how the darkness overtakes the light

See how the darkness overtakes the light,
A blanket shadowing these balls of dough,
They rise, arise again to higher height.

Some men see plain as all that’s pure and bright,
And when an onion drags this taste too low,
See how the darkness overtakes the light.

The skillful baker does not feel such fright,
And adding flavor helps his crowds to grow,
They rise, arise again to higher height.

He forms his seamless rings all through the night,
Too rapt to ever through his lone window
See how the darkness overtakes the light.

At dawn he sets his ovens to ignite,
His spirits climbing with the fire’s glow,
They rise, arise again to higher height.

But tired hands turn dials far too tight,
Hot flames upon pale crusts do death bestow;
See how the darkness overtakes the light,
They rise, arise again to higher height.


06 2009

This is how it ends

Put that bagel in a body bag
Its dough is dead and done for
Its codgered old crust is uncuttable
Its onions are offensively odorous

So dig it a grave, bury it, and beat it
(As soon as you leave, I’m still gonna eat it)

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05 2009

It’s Party Time

It’s okay if the sour cream has turned
or if the sautéed garlic got completely burned
Don’t worry that the avocado’s black
or that the roasted peppers liquified right in their sack
Who really cares if the cheese is mostly mold
or the center of the chicken breast is still a little cold

‘Cause even the vilest, most revolting dip
tastes pretty damn good on an onion bagel chip

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02 2009

Green Onion Bagel (I)

It must’ve fallen
from the counter,
and rolled back
here only God
knows when

Breath bated,
I reach behind
the fridge

and bag it


01 2009