Posts Tagged ‘crime’

a simple misunderstanding

the coffee shop hadn’t a toaster
and all their bagels were plain
pale pathetic and frigid rings
wrapped up in tight cellophane

cold were the shivers this sent to me
freezing the spine in my back
how could a business still operate
with such an obvious lack?

no answer from the barista
gazing with big doughy eyes
half of me thought i would hear from her
do i with that want some fries?

lifeless and bleak was the future
in such a desolate place
no crumbs to clean from the toaster tray
no onion mess on my face

that’s why i doused it with gasoline
struck the matchbook and then ran
– not ‘cause the doe-eyed barista
jilted me for my best man


12 2009

the kitchen burglar

he’s a kitchen burglar, and he’s the best
he’ll shred your stuff like a chicken breast
lurks past linoleum without a whisper
then bags all the lettuce right out of your crisper
no oven is safe, no stove is secure
he swallows up dishes like soup du jour
he’ll spin through faster than a hard-boiled egg’ll
and leave your place hollow as an onion bagel

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11 2009

plagiarism (II)

pen cap to mouth corner
eyes off in yesterday
seeking some new rhyme for “onion”

bagel poet wannabe
human hole metaphor
seriously dude,
quit stealing my shit

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10 2009

Sonnet VIII

The State came knocking, pounding on the door,
And when they busted through found quite a mess:
A dozen bagels strewn across the floor,
In varied, lurid stages of undress.

But far worse was an onion sliced in two,
With what they deemed was no remorse at all;
Its skin was slathered with a cream cheese glue,
That kept each half stuck to the kitchen wall.

The agents clenched their fists and cried Why, Lord?
Their souls were shattered, battered with self doubt;
One tried to hang himself with toaster cord,
Until the wiser, other belted out:

Without us there could never justice be —
These bagels need protective custody!


07 2009

sense of uneasiness felt upon returning home after dark

front door pushes open
kitchen light lit
knife block turned slightly out of place

are those crumbs on the carpet?
cream cheese on the rail?
the faint waft of onion in the hall?

i want to throw back that bedspread
and reveal a harmless pillow,
but the pit in my stomach says i shouldn’t

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06 2009

The Note

iF YoU evEr WAnT
TO seE yOUr PrecIoUS
onIOn bAgeL AgAIn

leAvE tHReE DoLLArs
iN uNmaRKed COinS
uNDer tHe gReEN beNCh
IN THe paRk

EncL: crUMbs
(tO ShOW i meAn bUSiNesS)

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06 2009


this is important:
the water must be warm
the yeast must be dry
the dough must rise for about an hour

this means something:
i call but no answer
i wait for the tone
i try again in thirty minutes

this is important:
the salt must be kosher
the onions must be toasted
the rings must rise again, half as long as before

this means something:
you say you’re not home
your car’s in your driveway
your silhouette’s in your window, dancing

this is important:
the water must be sugared
the sheet must be greased
the oven must be preheated to 400 degrees

this means something:
the fire alarms blare
the ambulance arrives late
the police say it was all an accident


05 2009

of passion

far behind the yellow tape
(where prying lenses can’t see)
a toppled dresser
a shattered mirror
latex gloves abound
pointing and
putting things in tiny plastic bags:
onion slivers
napkin fibers
someone says a knife is missing
but judging from
the pool of crumbs
the cream cheese splatter on the wall —
it certainly wasn’t missing

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05 2009

A Less-Than-Famous Love Letter From Kilmainham Gaol

Molly, oh Molly, I’ve been a damned fool
an utterly mad imbecile
I’ve left you unmarried, unloved and alone
while on onion bagels I’d fill

But now that I’ve said it, it seems not insane
in fact I feel it’s well thought through
For bagels awaken a new love each day —
unchained and unfettered by you


03 2009

An Obviously Unjust Verdict

I warning you Judge, I’m gonna’ appeal
‘Cause these twelve aren’t a jury of my peers
None of them are as good-looking as me
Their schooling pales next to my Ph.D.
Heads of state never ask for their advice
Party planners don’t sculpt their busts in ice
Their 401Ks aren’t fully vested
And they weren’t just recently arrested

There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still
‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill


02 2009