Posts Tagged ‘insanity’

promises from your fellow bus rider

i’m gonna mutter to myself
i’m gonna tell me how it is
i’m gonna laugh at all my jokes
i’m gonna give myself the biz
i’m gonna argue and debate
i’m gonna hum and rock and dance
i’m gonna find an onion bagel
i’d forgotten in my pants

i’m gonna start to raise my voice
i’m gonna whisper really quiet
i’m gonna tell me to calm down
i’m gonna try and start a riot
i’m gonna take off all my clothes
i’m gonna fall right on the floor
i’m gonna eat my onion bagel
as i get kicked out the door


12 2009


i’m stealing this poem from william butler yeats
he wrote this exact thing in eighteen ninety eight
he was all, flurbity blafferly smoo
just like i’m now writing balloobity clood
and he was like, hey, look at me, i’m a poet!
then he took a giant bite from a doughnut
i guess that’s the only place these poems conflict
unlike him i’m an onion bagel addict


10 2009


does one small fib mean i cannot
still be an honest man?
if i skip just one football game
am i not still a fan?
might one psychotic passing thought
mean i’m no longer sane?
can one stray dried-up onion flake
make one’s bagel not plain?


09 2009

from the depths

champagne bubble baths
dogs on trampolines
smiling faces of foreign-born children
sweat socks in the wash

lint traps overflow
toothless grins subside
vets overcharge for miniature neck braces
onion bagels bob to the surface

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09 2009

that ain’t right

i seen a ton a awfull things
i shielded lots a eyes
of teeny tiny sweet young things
that needn’t be so wise

i seen many a frightfull sight
but never seen a man
take just one onion bagel bite
then toss it in the can

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09 2009

A Less-Than-Famous Love Letter From Kilmainham Gaol

Molly, oh Molly, I’ve been a damned fool
an utterly mad imbecile
I’ve left you unmarried, unloved and alone
while on onion bagels I’d fill

But now that I’ve said it, it seems not insane
in fact I feel it’s well thought through
For bagels awaken a new love each day —
unchained and unfettered by you


03 2009

Dumb Love

You’re my baby bagel baby
my bitty baby boo
My only one and onion baby
my flippy flappy floo
I love my cutie crusty crazy
cupie soupy stew
My huggy holey humpy habee
braggly smaggle poo

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02 2009

speech on a sidewalk

hold on to your bag, lady
or you gonna lose it
cuz i think you’s
in harm’s way
this city moves fast and
those cars move faster
and your cart
with that bum wheel
ain’t helping any

i see your mouth moving
it’s talking to no one
and no body
is listening good
your temper goes quick
but your loved ones go quicker
til one day
you’s all you
got left

hold on to your bagel, lady
cuz i think you hungry
and that’s all the food
that you got
those onions smell stanky
but your breath smell stankier
and i won’t always be
givin you
this advice


02 2009


is for onion
the bagel i like most
N is for not ever equating it
to toast – that would be insanity,
which is what the I is for, and if you try to
say it’s not, i’ll just come   bust down your door
and i’ll wear a mask,             and i’ll carry an axe
and a can of gas and              a bunch of matches
and you’ll be all like,          oh god, no! which in
case you didn’t get it       is what the second O
is for, but i won’t even hear your pleas,
cause i’ll be busy creaming cheese
once you get a taste of these,
you’ll Never make that
error again


02 2009

request from an onion bagel eater

you can tell me that i’m crazy
that i haven’t got a clue,
or argue that i’m stupid
i won’t claim that’s untrue,
feel free to call me ugly
since my eyebrows are askew,
just don’t say that i have bad taste
or darling, we are through


01 2009