Posts Tagged ‘money’

Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

Though some seem full, they have nothing inside
And seek to make this fact one they forget
So very, very many, they have tried

Young babies think they’ll never be denied,
Get handed bottles each time that they fret
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

So as they’re taught to add, subtract, divide
They also must solve problems like regret
So very, very many, they have tried

The lucky ones find ways to turn this tide,
Get joy from simple foods like the baguette
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

And from the day such rings are first espied,
Tongues work to taste each flavor they can get
So very, very many, they have tried

But wheat and onion pleasures do subside
And leave the addict facing trial for debt
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside
So very, very many, they have tried


12 2009

Plus they’ll probably smell like onion

City apartments cost so much dough
And yet their prices continue to grow
Just when you think bagels can be scored
Dark crusty holes are all you can afford

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10 2009

For Virgil (or Michael Bay)

I only wrote about impressive things
Like gods and wars and nations’ prideful roots
Heroic tales to tickle queens and kings
Recited o’er the lilt of lyres and lutes
And thusly Fame and Fortune knew me well
For plebes rejoiced with every song I’d quill
They’d buy most any word I’d care to sell
Til coffers, and my ego, got their fill
But grandeur can accurse one to dementia
Convincing him to think his waste not foul
With formulaic plotlines in absentia
I now write only of my stomach’s growl;
Though my career is at an all-time low, it
Feels good to be an onion bagel poet


10 2009

And Just Like That, My American Dream Has Been Reduced to a Foreign, Crumb-Filled Nightmare

My bagel payments are too steep,
The onion upkeep’s rough and
I’ll never get a good night’s sleep
‘Til I downsize to an English muffin


10 2009


he buys bagels
adds some onions
sells them at a profit


09 2009

convenience, man, convenience

I’m traveling, man
I’m a
t r a v e l i n g  m a n
and I eat and I drink
what e v e r  I can
No liquids a l l o w e d
past the x-ray machine
No food to be bought
without  s p e n d i n g
some  g r e e n

Don’t have much cash
and it’s time to board
Give my coins
to  t h e  m a n
for the  o n e  t h i n g
I’ll afford

It’s a plain bagel
a  p l a n e  bagel
and it ain’t no
n o t h i n g t o w r i t e h o m e a b o u t
‘Cause back home
that  r i c h  o n i o n  c r u n c h
can’t be beat

But  t h i s  i s
a buzzkill
at  3 0 , 0 0 0  feet


07 2009

“Cream Cheese” Clarence, The Onion Bagel Pimp

Where’s my money, Bagel?
Gotta’ sell dat honey, Bagel
Better get my money, Bagel
Yo this ain’t funny, Bagel
Go’n ‘n make my money, Bagel
Or else my disposition is apt to become somewhat less than sunny, Bagel

Where’s my money, Bagel?

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04 2009

Sonnet II

stopping by Starbuck’s showed I was busted
for when I ordered my caffé latte
seems my credit card couldn’t be trusted
’twas on account of the economy

with only cash enough for a bagel
redfaced I hurriedly made for the door
stashed a pistol in my trousers’ leg hole
ran to the bank, made them lay on the floor

“I’ve got a gun! it’s here in my jacket!
now empty the vault! while I take a bite!”
dreams of the wealth I’d make from this racket
stopped short — for my bagel didn’t taste right

cops declared I was easy to run in
(gun in my mouth, and coat smeared with onion)

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01 2009