Posts Tagged ‘superiority’

welcome to l.a., suckers!

when traffic’s terrible, slowed to a crawl,
my bagel-bicycle blows by them all,
two tires speeding past motorists’ mirrors,
you’d think they were onions, to see all their tears!


11 2009

a difference of opinion

itty bitty bagel nibbler
each bite piddlinger than the last
content to eat the slimmest slivers
onion crumbs dissolving fast

some marvel at your self-restraint
possessor of a patient tongue
but i already cleared my plate
and think your brains are full of dung


09 2009


my bagel’s worth bragging
and boasting about
i smirk when i slice it
and toast it all out
your envy is obvious
don’t say you’re not
‘cuz onions cause far fewer
teardrops n’ snot


06 2009

nice try buddy but you ain’t foolin nobody

getta loada dis guy
hay getta loada him
hethinks he’s areal bright guy
but isay he’s real dim

hetalks likehe’s a tough guy
but iknow he’s justbluffin
insteada onion bagels
he atean english muffin


05 2009

An Obviously Unjust Verdict

I warning you Judge, I’m gonna’ appeal
‘Cause these twelve aren’t a jury of my peers
None of them are as good-looking as me
Their schooling pales next to my Ph.D.
Heads of state never ask for their advice
Party planners don’t sculpt their busts in ice
Their 401Ks aren’t fully vested
And they weren’t just recently arrested

There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still
‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill


02 2009

On Being Pungent

I’ve seen them staring
sideways and shifty
eyelids aflutter, thinking
I’d better be subtle
but it’s too late
for the flare of their nostrils
betrays them
What is that smell?
they wonder and
their wandering eyes
inevitably fall
to me

I’ve seen d-i-s-g-u-s-t
written upon their faces
but I
can read
between the lines
I know
those looks
are not for me
but for their friends
for the others for
the public for

For when they draw
closed their
kitchen drapes
these puritanical politicians
these religiously righteous
refusers s-t-o-p
turning up their noses —
they come in close
breathe in deep
and taste
I’ve seen them do it
I’ve seen them all


01 2009

An Easy Choice

encircling the Rock
making Paper crumby
Scissors gumming over

Onion Bagel bests all

topics: ,


01 2009