Posts Tagged ‘lying’

us, now

though you betray my trust
with countless lies you tell,
i shall not break like crust
or hope you burn in hell,
i’ve peeled back all your layers
and cried at every one,
recited many prayers
but now i swear i’m done,
at last i have control
and from you i shall part,
just like a bagel’s hole
i see right through your heart


11 2009

Public Consumption

That bagel in our waiter’s hand
Has sent me to a far-off land,
Where rings encircle dunes of sand
And toasting suns leave my crust tanned

But sadly this scene fades from sight
As soon as I take my first bite,
Warm day becomes a frigid night
Because my order’s just not right –

There are no onions in this band,
It’s plain and pitifully bland
(Yet in my want to be polite,
I swallow hard, and feign delight)


11 2009

that onion bagel is a real a-wipe

it crashed my car, gave me this scar
and spread falsehoods about me,
it killed my cat and smooshed my hat
and sold our script without me,
it stole my wife and wrecked my life
and on my coattails coasted,
but i don’t mind, it soon will find
revenge is a dish best served toasted

topics: ,


10 2009

a brief history of lies

the moon is made of cheese
the sun’s a bowl of chili
why are you all laughing?
i’m not being silly

the stars are sugar lumps
the milky way is candy
i’m not even joking
as sure as my name’s andy

pluto’s made of dog treats
mars is one big cherry
saturn’s ringed by onion bagels
or my face isn’t hairy

topics: , ,


10 2009


does one small fib mean i cannot
still be an honest man?
if i skip just one football game
am i not still a fan?
might one psychotic passing thought
mean i’m no longer sane?
can one stray dried-up onion flake
make one’s bagel not plain?


09 2009


there’s nothing to see here
i haven’t changed a thing
just ordered my usual,
an onion-flavored ring

you know these onion bagels
are all i ever eat
so keep your distance ’cause they make
my breath smell just like feet

it’s true this bagel’s onion
why would i ever lie?
but please don’t come and sit with me
you’ll make me feel too shy

you’ve pulled away my napkin
and now my cover’s blown
why couldn’t you leave me
and my garlic bagel alone?

topics: , ,


09 2009

Forever Selfish

I’ve had my share of onion bagels
and told my share of lies
Like “I’m all out of onion bagels”
when I had vast supplies

But sadly I can’t blame these fibs
on errors of my youth
For even in old age my hungry
mouth tells this untruth

topics: , ,


09 2009

I hate football

Crooked referees with your pocket full of lies
Revising history right before my very eyes

Saying plays are legal even though they’re not allowed
Showing zero shame in pandering to the home crowd

You clearly have no problem selling out your very souls
I bet you’d even call my onion bagels jelly rolls

topics: , ,


09 2009

slow train to reno

yessir, this train is headed west, it is
but don’t think it’ll make it there today
i hear new fangled engines, they just whiz
but this one’s like the ones from yesterday

there’s men who poke the fires with a mace
and carry heavy loads across their back
they bake and boil at a steady pace
and shovel ‘til their fingernails turn black

and when our speed picks up it sure don’t last
‘cuz there’s too many stops along the line
compared to this you’d think that it was fast
to go watch onions ripen on the vine

now don’t go conversatin’ that i’m lyin’
‘cuz some book told you onions grow in dirt
i seen ‘em fall from trees ready fer fryin’
as sure as i am wearin’ this here shirt

you kids today think nothin’s left to learn
from folks like me who’ve fully aged and grown
you just don’t seem to even give a durn
‘bout letting us talk circles all alone

to speak of circles you should oughtta’ know
around this turn you’ll wanna’ peel yer eye
this train we’re on it goes so very slow
you’ll see the onion bagels tumblin’ by


06 2009

Sonnet IV

I peered inside an onion bagel hole
To see what was in there for me to spy
But wound up staring straight into my soul
And learned that my whole life had been a lie
For though I showed the world I was a roll
Complete and filled with substance far and nigh
Beneath the surface I lacked all control
And if you had a keen discerning eye
You’d see that I could never reach my goal
And sadly that no matter how I try
A hollowness as fierce and black as coal
Would surely burn inside me ’til I die

Although this left me shattered and destroyed
I shrugged and kept on falling through the void


03 2009