Archive for December, 2009

No Regrets

Set out did I intent to try
to make the perfect bagel,
I leafed through trees of recipes
examined every angle,
For months and years between my ears
I lived a baker’s toil,
Yet all these plans stayed from my hands
And not one bagel boiled;

Until said me, why must there be
a single chosen way?
Can’t I just bake when I awake
one bagel every day?
With soul now loosed I mass produced
my favorite onion food,
They may all not be perfect but
at least they’re pretty good.





15

12 2009

time to leave

staring at my shoe tops
letting my jaw hang
patting all my pockets
flipping through my brain
don’t want to depart here
with something undone
was that faucet dripping?
is the oven on?
did i leave my wallet?
is the cat unfed?
do i have that envelope
that i needed to send?
just can’t shake this feeling
uneasiness and doubt
wonder if i might’ve left
the onion bagels out…




14

12 2009

Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

Though some seem full, they have nothing inside
And seek to make this fact one they forget
So very, very many, they have tried

Young babies think they’ll never be denied,
Get handed bottles each time that they fret
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

So as they’re taught to add, subtract, divide
They also must solve problems like regret
So very, very many, they have tried

The lucky ones find ways to turn this tide,
Get joy from simple foods like the baguette
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside

And from the day such rings are first espied,
Tongues work to taste each flavor they can get
So very, very many, they have tried

But wheat and onion pleasures do subside
And leave the addict facing trial for debt
Though some seem full, they have nothing inside
So very, very many, they have tried





13

12 2009

Limerick #10

I guess the biggest one I’ve ever seen,
In inches, had to be damn near eighteen –
It made the women blush,
And its proud owner gush,
That onion bagel’s so huge it’s obscene!




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12

12 2009

There are such things as stupid questions

Some people ask, Why onions, Ted?
Why not some other flavored bread?
Why must your favor just be found
in bagels with bulbs from the ground?

To such as these I turn and sneer
then slice their throats from ear to ear
I’ve no time for naïveté
And my name’s Andy, anyway




11

12 2009

a simple misunderstanding

the coffee shop hadn’t a toaster
and all their bagels were plain
pale pathetic and frigid rings
wrapped up in tight cellophane

cold were the shivers this sent to me
freezing the spine in my back
how could a business still operate
with such an obvious lack?

no answer from the barista
gazing with big doughy eyes
half of me thought i would hear from her
do i with that want some fries?

lifeless and bleak was the future
in such a desolate place
no crumbs to clean from the toaster tray
no onion mess on my face

that’s why i doused it with gasoline
struck the matchbook and then ran
– not ‘cause the doe-eyed barista
jilted me for my best man




10

12 2009

Have I Seen This Lifetime Movie Already?

Young bagel heroine
fresh-faced and sweet
meeting the boy of her dreams

I’ve got a feeling
before this thing’s over
cops will find onion crumbs in his trunk




09

12 2009

promises from your fellow bus rider

i’m gonna mutter to myself
i’m gonna tell me how it is
i’m gonna laugh at all my jokes
i’m gonna give myself the biz
i’m gonna argue and debate
i’m gonna hum and rock and dance
i’m gonna find an onion bagel
i’d forgotten in my pants

i’m gonna start to raise my voice
i’m gonna whisper really quiet
i’m gonna tell me to calm down
i’m gonna try and start a riot
i’m gonna take off all my clothes
i’m gonna fall right on the floor
i’m gonna eat my onion bagel
as i get kicked out the door




08

12 2009

By Any Other Name

Starvin’ Marvin’s nickname rhymed but it wasn’t accurate
For he snacked on onion bagels everywhere he came or went
Then he witnessed No Puke Luke proving his name wasn’t right
That’s when the first misnamed man fin’lly lost his appetite




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07

12 2009

O Poppy! My Poppy!

O Poppy! My Poppy! The one who gave me life!
You guide me with a wisdom sharp as a serrated knife
I’m molded in the image that you rolled me in before
If I could be like you one day I would not ask for more
But O! Lo! Poppy, no!
Such daggers through my heart!
They say I’ll never fill your shoes
For I taste much too tart

O Poppy! My Poppy! It’s time I face the truth
My crust will never strike like yours upon a waiting tooth
Though I’m your seed I must concede I have none of my own
I waver from your flavor and can never be your clone
Yet Pop! O! This I’ll let go
Without one curse or damn
I’ll love the onions out of me
And be proud of who I am





06

12 2009