Archive for September, 2009
onion junkie
he’s an onion junkie
he just can’t get enough
that’s why you shouldn’t ever
get hooked on the stuff
his eyelids twitch and his palms are all sweaty he grates it like cheese onto his spaghetti
in bagels and soups alone fried and bloomin’ that guy eats more onion than should any human
he’s dingy and smelly and looks really strange ignore what he says and don’t give him change
his eyelids twitch and his palms are all sweaty he grates it like cheese onto his spaghetti
in bagels and soups alone fried and bloomin’ that guy eats more onion than should any human
he’s dingy and smelly and looks really strange ignore what he says and don’t give him change
26
09 2009
all-purpose slacker
shiftless sack of flour
bound to no one
but gravity
slinking ever securer in your paper pack
no thoughts of cookies or loaves or batches of onion bagels
isn’t it time you learned a little responsibility?
no thoughts of cookies or loaves or batches of onion bagels
isn’t it time you learned a little responsibility?
24
09 2009
liar
there’s nothing to see here
i haven’t changed a thing
just ordered my usual,
an onion-flavored ring
you know these onion bagels are all i ever eat so keep your distance ’cause they make my breath smell just like feet
it’s true this bagel’s onion why would i ever lie? but please don’t come and sit with me you’ll make me feel too shy
you’ve pulled away my napkin and now my cover’s blown why couldn’t you leave me and my garlic bagel alone?
you know these onion bagels are all i ever eat so keep your distance ’cause they make my breath smell just like feet
it’s true this bagel’s onion why would i ever lie? but please don’t come and sit with me you’ll make me feel too shy
you’ve pulled away my napkin and now my cover’s blown why couldn’t you leave me and my garlic bagel alone?
22
09 2009
Orientation
I’m the boss here
So do things my way,
You boil what I want
And bake when I say
Your hat is white paper Your apron is checkered, Keep them both clean Or it goes on your record
If I find an onion In the poppy seed station, You won’t get a warning You’ll be on probation
If my yeast goes bad ‘Cause you overstocked, I’m not even joking Your paycheck gets docked
Don’t bring me cream cheese When I wanted schmear, One phone call from me Could destroy your career
Just keep the holes hollow And your attitude in line, Don’t ever dare cross me And you’ll do just fine
Your hat is white paper Your apron is checkered, Keep them both clean Or it goes on your record
If I find an onion In the poppy seed station, You won’t get a warning You’ll be on probation
If my yeast goes bad ‘Cause you overstocked, I’m not even joking Your paycheck gets docked
Don’t bring me cream cheese When I wanted schmear, One phone call from me Could destroy your career
Just keep the holes hollow And your attitude in line, Don’t ever dare cross me And you’ll do just fine
