Archive for the ‘limerick’Category

Limerick #10

I guess the biggest one I’ve ever seen,
In inches, had to be damn near eighteen –
It made the women blush,
And its proud owner gush,
That onion bagel’s so huge it’s obscene!

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12 2009

Limerick #9

Reginald Williamson Bagel the Third
Married an onion bulb (or so I heard)
Until honeymoonin’
He thought she was human
(I think the whole thing’s completely absurd)

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12 2009

Limerick #8

To those who find a turkey sandwich boring,
It’s not the meat that leaves your taste buds snoring,
Swap out that stale old bread,
With fresh bagels instead,
Their toasted onion taste is worth adoring.

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11 2009

Limerick #7

Today when I sat down to breakfast
I threw a gosh darn bullshoot heck fest
I had to complain,
For my bagel was plain –
What a hot tranny onionless wrecked mess

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09 2009

Limerick #6

I always am totally irked,
When bagel dough gets overworked —
The shapes fall so flat,
That onions look fat,
And I feel like my chain’s getting jerked.


07 2009

Limerick #5

There once was a lassie from Galway
who rolled onion bagels down the hallway
Although she was purty
she got my rolls dirty
Which turned my poor stomach in no small way

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03 2009

Limerick #4

I wedded a wee farmer’s daughter
and felt so fortuned that I caught ‘er
when she stuck out her finger
I mistook her ringer
for an onion-baked bagel I bought ‘er

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03 2009

Limerick #3

when i taste a rich bagel crust
whose onion topping is robust
the joy’s so severe
that i truly do fear
my tongue might spontaneously combust

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02 2009

Limerick #2

There once was an onion topped bagel
Whose hole was too small to finagle
At first I said “Doh! Pwhaaa?!?”
But then I watched Oprah
And learned it was flexing its Kegel

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01 2009

Limerick #1

His feet were befouled with bunions
His breath stank quite stalely of Funyuns
But men all admired
And girls all desired
‘Cause his bagels were covered in onions

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12 2008