Posts Tagged ‘anatomy’

Limerick #10

I guess the biggest one I’ve ever seen,
In inches, had to be damn near eighteen –
It made the women blush,
And its proud owner gush,
That onion bagel’s so huge it’s obscene!

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12 2009

i blame the corpus callosum

right hand palms bagel
left hand saws teeth back and forth
disaster follows

falling onion crumbs pile high
crooked gash proves me inept

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11 2009

man hands

i’m a somewhat sexy man
with fairly sexy, manly hands
they hold my briefcase while at work
and punch walls when i go berserk
they gut the blue gill that i caught
and stroke my beard when i’m in thought
they’re calloused in the yard and such
but women find them soft to touch
yet my palms reach their sexiest
when on them onion bagels rest

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09 2009

carbo-loading = overrated

hurling bagels
blowing onions
spewing my cream cheese

working out post
breakfast really
brings me to my knees


08 2009

apparently, i’m twelve

something smells
and i can’t tell
if it’s just me
or this bakery
’cause onion frames
have scents the same
from their fresh-baked start
to my post-meal fart


08 2009

anatomically correct

peel me like onions
to see what’s inside:
hair, outer
veins, inner
in between, hide

deeper than these lies
my digestive sac:
crust, outside
dough, inside
sweet onion snack

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08 2009

Old Deli Proverb

Old age can bring you an expanding waist,
But with it come wisdom, and refined taste;

Ingredients, though, fare less well with time,
Learning only of mold, spoilage and slime;

So if you seek bagels that please your tongue,
Keep your baker old, but his onions young.


06 2009

In the Pickup Line at the Deli

Your eyes are like onions,
translucent and glazed;
Your brows are like yeast,
perpetually raised;
Your nostrils are rings
each surrounding a hole;
Inside which I eye a path
straight to your soul;
Your lips are so crusty
and crumby and cracked,
I just want to eat you;
How’m I supposed to react?

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06 2009

a not unrealistic prediction based on the undeniable frailty of human life

bagel bones break easily
‘neath crusts that crack and tear freely
if i could the near future see
i’d know that was the fate for me

my skin will peel in warm sunshine
and bleed like onions on the vine
’til wolves and wives and worms come dine
on these brittle bagel bones of mine

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06 2009

Sonnet V

As I’ve grown ever fatter through the years,
My weight has been unevenly dispersed;
It seems the region just below my ears
Is where the cellulite has gathered worst.
What started as an extra chin at first
Has uncontrollably begun to bloat;
It looks like a balloon’s about to burst
Beneath the skin that wraps around my throat.
But this analogy I can’t promote,
For there’s another much more apropos,
Involving wheat and salt and yeast and oat,
With onion-looking stubble topping dough.
So let us just be honest for a sec,
And call it what it is: a Bagel Neck.


05 2009