Posts Tagged ‘death’

poor form –or– the embarrassed eater

to spread
schmear on
my onion bagel,
__i inadvertently
_ _ _and tragically
__went right over
the hole again.
if that glop
drips into
my palm,
i may


10 2009


man crushed to death
by giant bin of onion bagels

it’s how he’d always hoped he’d go,
says wife

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09 2009

being eaten by a bear

not unexpected:
razored paws slice easily
through blood-lush flesh,
first bites taken from torso,
slobber is omnipresent

a complete surprise:
final thoughts focus
on the onion bagel,
sitting on my dash

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08 2009

Tanka #2

It’s done nothing wrong
(except for smelling strongly)
But is that worth death?
Hunger pangs growl Barrabas!
Can I wash my knife of this?


08 2009

The King of Pop

The King of Pop, from an early age,
Popped the greatest toasters ever popped on stage;
He toasted every bread-based food from A to Z,
(And made it look easier than 1-2-3);
The darkness dial master, he knew just how to heat it,
If you tried to outpop him, he’d tell you to go beat it;
His pops had height and distance, their artistry was killer,
Everyone would scream and shout, your toast is such a thriller!
He cooked both wheat and Wonder, ’til they took to flight,
It clearly didn’t matter if his toasts were black or white;

Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside,
He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.


07 2009

a not unrealistic prediction based on the undeniable frailty of human life

bagel bones break easily
‘neath crusts that crack and tear freely
if i could the near future see
i’d know that was the fate for me

my skin will peel in warm sunshine
and bleed like onions on the vine
’til wolves and wives and worms come dine
on these brittle bagel bones of mine

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06 2009

The Bucket List

How many bagels must I try
before I can contented die?

If I select first an onion,
the answer I suppose is “one.”


06 2009


through the clear plastic bag,
he watched the sun setting
on the day, and the life that he knew

through the clear plastic bag,
he saw his own breath
condense like a fresh morning dew

through the clear plastic bag,
he gasped and he clawed
and thought that his lungs would just melt

through the clear plastic bag,
he knew oh so clearly
exactly how onion bagels felt

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05 2009

This is how it ends

Put that bagel in a body bag
Its dough is dead and done for
Its codgered old crust is uncuttable
Its onions are offensively odorous

So dig it a grave, bury it, and beat it
(As soon as you leave, I’m still gonna eat it)

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05 2009

The Judgment

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
When it’s all settled then you must
Look back and ask Did I do well?
(Read: Will I go to heaven, or will I go to hell?)
Did I make the most of gifts I was given?
Did I show thanks for the life I was livin’?
Did I love my friends and my family too?
Did I even love people I hardly knew?
Did I make the most of every minute?
(Read: Were all my bagels ones with onion in it?)


02 2009