Posts Tagged ‘illness’

By Any Other Name

Starvin’ Marvin’s nickname rhymed but it wasn’t accurate
For he snacked on onion bagels everywhere he came or went
Then he witnessed No Puke Luke proving his name wasn’t right
That’s when the first misnamed man fin’lly lost his appetite

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12 2009

Rabbi’s Delight

Come up to my crib, ya’ll
And don’t forget yo’ bib, ya’ll
‘Cuz we gon’ eat some bay-galls
And crumbs gon’ straight be sprayed all
Over yo’ baby da-ddy
And in yo’ momma’s Ca-ddy
Yo’ gramps be gettin’ mad, G
Cuz’ crumbs stick to his plaid, see?

Now when I eat my bagel I be eatin’ da’ whole thing, yo
So don’t be try’n ta’ jack me Esse just cuz’ I’m a gringo
The shorties like the sweet ones and the old folks like the wheats
But any kinds-a bagels are the kinds I’s likes ta’ eats

Some suckas like a sticky bun (bun)
And toast-eatas can eat my gun (gun)
You think yo’ gold chain weighs a ton (ton?)
My bagel’s all blinged out with uhn (yun!)

My baby’s got Gucci, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got chronic, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got babies, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got herpes.


12 2009

On the murky cloud of uncertainty that is the future of the obscure niche poet with a self-imposed and fast-approaching retirement date

Lo! I feel sick!
Alas! It’s so strange!
Can too many poems
On one topic derange?
Will bagels stick with me
Like rabid dogs’ mange?
Or might I shed layers,
And finally change?


12 2009

Something in Your Voice

You said “The weather’s changing”
but something in your voice
told me that’s not all you had to tell
And so on the potential
sad and tragic meanings
of that comment I began to dwell

Some sickness in your body
depression in your mind
surely were the things you could not say
I felt my spine a-shiver
and swallowed hard with dread
about your soon upcoming dying day

Though loathe to face this future
I looked into your eyes
thinking you would need to be consoled
But saw that onion bagels
had filled your cheeks and throat
and realized that you’d only meant “It’s cold”


11 2009

Haiku #12

you dress bagels up
in precious onion onesies
crazed food pamperer

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11 2009

carbo-loading = overrated

hurling bagels
blowing onions
spewing my cream cheese

working out post
breakfast really
brings me to my knees


08 2009

Conversation Cut Short

I can’t believe what you did to your derm,
Covered with onion bagel tatts so perm!

Cupping your hand to my ear you now murm,
(Those marks aren’t tatts; they’re a case of ringworm.)


07 2009


the quarantined soldier
sits in his hole
warm water in a dirty cup
salty drip dangling from his brow

tan and brown forces
rising all around him
he stares at the onion sliver moon
and waits

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05 2009


Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me!
My levels are dropping dangerously!
Don’t look in my ear or knock on my knee!
Just gimme an onion bagel I.V.!


05 2009

your test results are in

the hospital facilities
are all state of the art,
with sections for diseases
of the lungs, skin, brain and heart

yet doctors aren’t the only ones
who meet such strict criteria,
the bar’s set just as high down
at the campus cafeteria

the freshest fruits and veggies
are brought in every day,
and pastas, meats and cheeses
form a dazzling buffet

but probably the choicest part
would be the bagel station,
with every flavor known to man
of ringéd dough temptation

plain, egg, garlic, sesame,
blueberry, everything
and countless others kneel before
the mighty onion king

if you don’t want to taste all that
or at least give just one lick,
then turn around and see a nurse
’cause you are truly sick


05 2009