Posts Tagged ‘communication’
I Paid For It, Alright
I bought myself a bagel
Paid for it in cash
Took a little bite and gave
Myself a cream cheese ‘stache
Still I liked its flavor Sweet and oniony So my second, larger bite Made a cream cheese goatee
Blind to all the gawkers Who clearly thought me weird I bit the biggest bite of all And got a cream cheese beard
That’s when they all stood up Said to me “We’re through!” Where’d they get the nerve to cut short My job interview?
Still I liked its flavor Sweet and oniony So my second, larger bite Made a cream cheese goatee
Blind to all the gawkers Who clearly thought me weird I bit the biggest bite of all And got a cream cheese beard
That’s when they all stood up Said to me “We’re through!” Where’d they get the nerve to cut short My job interview?
24
11 2009
Something in Your Voice
You said “The weather’s changing”
but something in your voice
told me that’s not all you had to tell
And so on the potential
sad and tragic meanings
of that comment I began to dwell
Some sickness in your body depression in your mind surely were the things you could not say I felt my spine a-shiver and swallowed hard with dread about your soon upcoming dying day
Though loathe to face this future I looked into your eyes thinking you would need to be consoled But saw that onion bagels had filled your cheeks and throat and realized that you’d only meant “It’s cold”
Some sickness in your body depression in your mind surely were the things you could not say I felt my spine a-shiver and swallowed hard with dread about your soon upcoming dying day
Though loathe to face this future I looked into your eyes thinking you would need to be consoled But saw that onion bagels had filled your cheeks and throat and realized that you’d only meant “It’s cold”
20
11 2009
nice onions
why you staring at my shirt?
i’m not gawking at you, plus
even if you thought i was
i guarantee you that i were’t
can’t i wear stuff that i like? some pants, this shirt, maybe a hat without you bein all like that? that horse you’re on is so low – psych!
you shirt-lookers are all the same think your rules should lead every game if you ask me, my shirt’s legit – it just says “show your bagels” on it
can’t i wear stuff that i like? some pants, this shirt, maybe a hat without you bein all like that? that horse you’re on is so low – psych!
you shirt-lookers are all the same think your rules should lead every game if you ask me, my shirt’s legit – it just says “show your bagels” on it
04
09 2009
who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?
i bought a bag of bagels
said “onion” on the front
but when i opened them i had
something else to confront
for on each ring of onion
were popping up like weeds
unadvertised ingredients
you’d know as poppy seeds
at first i thought “what gives here?”
and then said “what the hell?”
but soon i realized that this ploy
was really just as well
for if i tried to sell you
a meal of borscht and poop
i think i’d also choose to focus
solely on the soup
29
08 2009
season premieres
deserve a darkened
room,
a comfortable chair,
and an audience that adheres
to a strict
no-talking policy;
the last of which comes easier (of course) when onion bagels are served
the last of which comes easier (of course) when onion bagels are served
16
08 2009
Conversation Cut Short
I can’t believe what you did to your derm,
Covered with onion bagel tatts so perm!
Cupping your hand to my ear you now murm, (Those marks aren’t tatts; they’re a case of ringworm.)
Cupping your hand to my ear you now murm, (Those marks aren’t tatts; they’re a case of ringworm.)
17
07 2009
more energizing than coffee, less filling than a bagel
please mind your handwriting
when faxing in an order
because lox onion
because lox onion
and lox on ion
are two entirely
different breakfasts
09
07 2009
You Asked Me to Bagel-Sit
You asked me to bagel-sit,
so why is it that
you’re shocked to come home
from the place you’ve been at,
To find that your saucy-tongued
onion-filled brat
has been flattened and splattened
like a pestering gnat?
You asked me to bagel-sit; upon him I sat.
You asked me to bagel-sit; upon him I sat.
05
07 2009
A classically comedic misunderstanding from which hilarity ensues
The room key isn’t working,
so down the hall I’m lurking,
I tell the front desk lady but all that she is is smirking
So now I get hostile, and tell her to go dial, Her manager should hear of this but all she does is smile
About that time I see, between teeth two and three, A freshly chewed up remnant of onion bagel debris
It all was misconstrued, she wasn’t being rude, It’s just that a bread ring has got her in a real good mood
So I forgive that gaffe, embrace the hotel staff, And in the lobby we’ll share both a bagel and a laugh
So now I get hostile, and tell her to go dial, Her manager should hear of this but all she does is smile
About that time I see, between teeth two and three, A freshly chewed up remnant of onion bagel debris
It all was misconstrued, she wasn’t being rude, It’s just that a bread ring has got her in a real good mood
So I forgive that gaffe, embrace the hotel staff, And in the lobby we’ll share both a bagel and a laugh
