Posts Tagged ‘flavors’

There are such things as stupid questions

Some people ask, Why onions, Ted?
Why not some other flavored bread?
Why must your favor just be found
in bagels with bulbs from the ground?

To such as these I turn and sneer
then slice their throats from ear to ear
I’ve no time for naïveté
And my name’s Andy, anyway


12 2009

O Poppy! My Poppy!

O Poppy! My Poppy! The one who gave me life!
You guide me with a wisdom sharp as a serrated knife
I’m molded in the image that you rolled me in before
If I could be like you one day I would not ask for more
But O! Lo! Poppy, no!
Such daggers through my heart!
They say I’ll never fill your shoes
For I taste much too tart

O Poppy! My Poppy! It’s time I face the truth
My crust will never strike like yours upon a waiting tooth
Though I’m your seed I must concede I have none of my own
I waver from your flavor and can never be your clone
Yet Pop! O! This I’ll let go
Without one curse or damn
I’ll love the onions out of me
And be proud of who I am


12 2009

Rabbi’s Delight

Come up to my crib, ya’ll
And don’t forget yo’ bib, ya’ll
‘Cuz we gon’ eat some bay-galls
And crumbs gon’ straight be sprayed all
Over yo’ baby da-ddy
And in yo’ momma’s Ca-ddy
Yo’ gramps be gettin’ mad, G
Cuz’ crumbs stick to his plaid, see?

Now when I eat my bagel I be eatin’ da’ whole thing, yo
So don’t be try’n ta’ jack me Esse just cuz’ I’m a gringo
The shorties like the sweet ones and the old folks like the wheats
But any kinds-a bagels are the kinds I’s likes ta’ eats

Some suckas like a sticky bun (bun)
And toast-eatas can eat my gun (gun)
You think yo’ gold chain weighs a ton (ton?)
My bagel’s all blinged out with uhn (yun!)

My baby’s got Gucci, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got chronic, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got babies, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got herpes.


12 2009

interflavor marriage

few think that we’ll last
from two sides of tracks
so they point and laugh
just ’cause we contrast

onion and plain snacks
– each its better half


11 2009

Haiku #11

Out with garlic friend
Seated next to onion ex
Totally awkward


10 2009


There’s a bagel in the oven,
What kind could it be?
Blueberry, Garlic, Onion or Wheat?
Sesame, Chocolate, Poppy or Rye?
Should I peek at it now,
Or just be surprised?


10 2009


there’s nothing to see here
i haven’t changed a thing
just ordered my usual,
an onion-flavored ring

you know these onion bagels
are all i ever eat
so keep your distance ’cause they make
my breath smell just like feet

it’s true this bagel’s onion
why would i ever lie?
but please don’t come and sit with me
you’ll make me feel too shy

you’ve pulled away my napkin
and now my cover’s blown
why couldn’t you leave me
and my garlic bagel alone?

topics: , ,


09 2009

Tanka #3

Which bagel to choose:
Plain, wheat, garlic, blueberry?
Indecision kills –
Some hand plucks the last onion,
Rue the one that got away.


09 2009

convenience, man, convenience

I’m traveling, man
I’m a
t r a v e l i n g  m a n
and I eat and I drink
what e v e r  I can
No liquids a l l o w e d
past the x-ray machine
No food to be bought
without  s p e n d i n g
some  g r e e n

Don’t have much cash
and it’s time to board
Give my coins
to  t h e  m a n
for the  o n e  t h i n g
I’ll afford

It’s a plain bagel
a  p l a n e  bagel
and it ain’t no
n o t h i n g t o w r i t e h o m e a b o u t
‘Cause back home
that  r i c h  o n i o n  c r u n c h
can’t be beat

But  t h i s  i s
a buzzkill
at  3 0 , 0 0 0  feet


07 2009


smokin’ hot bagels on each of my arms,
rings can’t resist all my oven-baked charms

sesames, poppies, onions and wheats,
i make ’em all come leave their crumbs in my sheets

pickin’ up roundies wherever i go,
they spread their cream cheese before i say hello

to all you shy bagels who can’t keep it real,
don’t hate the eata’, just hate the meal


07 2009