Posts Tagged ‘astronomy’

predictions from captain obvious

i predict the sun will stay way off in outer space
i predict that dog will come and try to lick my face
i predict these poems will soon get somewhat repetitious
i predict this onion bagel will taste quite delicious


11 2009


our world is a bagel
so rich and full of life
it teems with grain and onion
each time you slice your knife

on sad days though it’s empty
like nothing’s even there
a hole inside a bagel
mere wafts of spicy air

but lest these thoughts dismay you
or leave you burnt and numb
remember life’s a bagel
and this plight’s just a crumb


11 2009

a brief history of lies

the moon is made of cheese
the sun’s a bowl of chili
why are you all laughing?
i’m not being silly

the stars are sugar lumps
the milky way is candy
i’m not even joking
as sure as my name’s andy

pluto’s made of dog treats
mars is one big cherry
saturn’s ringed by onion bagels
or my face isn’t hairy

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10 2009


today the sun’s a bagel
it toasts as it descends
golden yellow
burning orange
fire coil red and then
i look away
i close my eyes
and yet i see it still
but what was once the breaded ring
has now become the hole
and in my mind
the sky is full
of onion flavored dough

i’ll savor every moment,
for this vision soon must go

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10 2009

Maybe It’s Just A Phase

My onion bagel once was full
A wond’rous glowing sight
But since I started eating it
It’s just been losing light
I nibbled first around one edge
And much to my surprise
It turned into a gibbous ring
Before my very eyes
The more I ate the more it waned
Which was a true depressant
I soon found I had nothing left
Except a fresh baked crescent
Reluctantly I passed the final
Bite between my lips
Then spent the moonless night in tears
Mourning its eclipse

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08 2009


the quarantined soldier
sits in his hole
warm water in a dirty cup
salty drip dangling from his brow

tan and brown forces
rising all around him
he stares at the onion sliver moon
and waits

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05 2009

The Beginning

Ring that bagel ’round the moon!
Sprinkle the stars with onions!
Cut the comets with butter knives, and
Smother the cosmos in cream cheese!
Plug your toasters into the sun
And dial them up to Darkest!
We’ve got a world of work to do
So we really mustn’t skip breakfast!

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02 2009

Sonnet I

I stood one winter by the river’s bank,
And gazed across at the thickening ice.
I had my Lord and my baker to thank,
For my meal was warm, so toasty and nice.
It smelled of onions, life’s richest bouquet,
Its skin shimmered brown beneath the sun’s glow.
Though heav’nly bodies I dare not betray,
I swear I beheld it melting the snow!
The blanket of white was thinned to a sheet,
And life anew arose hysterical,
Up sprouted shrubbery, grasses and wheat:
Eden reborn, a wond’rous miracle!
Soon that frozen river babbled once more,
And I swam safely to the other shore.


01 2009