Posts Tagged ‘hygiene’

in the pad

tv sports for hours and hours
unbrushed teeth and undrawn showers
breakfast pizza, dinner eggs
onion bagel crumbs on legs
what a messy, manly day
can you tell my wife’s away?


12 2009


Bagel-head tweens in their skinny-legged jeans
Oft make me sneer, pucker and pout
I hear their crusts cracking and smell hygiene lacking
And generally get all creeped out

But once in a while a kid makes me smile
By toasting with style and grace
Tho it not long lasts, as he soon feels he has
To pop a big squirting onion on his face


08 2009

the struggle

quite often when i’ve ate my din
the folks i know won’t say hello
though i nod and wave they act like they’ve
never seen my face and away they race
leaving me alone to cry and moan
what could it be that makes them flee?
yet deep down i know with each burp i blow
that my bagel breath sickens them to death

yes my love of onion has me shunned and
all this scorn leaves me somewhat torn
should i change my flavor to gain their favor —
or enjoy my food in solitude?


04 2009

Haiku #2

onion shavings fall
smooth golden surface revealed
manscaping bagel



01 2009

Limerick #1

His feet were befouled with bunions
His breath stank quite stalely of Funyuns
But men all admired
And girls all desired
‘Cause his bagels were covered in onions

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12 2008