Posts Tagged ‘sports’

in the pad

tv sports for hours and hours
unbrushed teeth and undrawn showers
breakfast pizza, dinner eggs
onion bagel crumbs on legs
what a messy, manly day
can you tell my wife’s away?


12 2009

I Am a Man

I am a man
I’m mean and strong
My fuse is short
My penis, long
I don’t need help
From here to there
My face and butt
Sprout lots of hair
I guzzle beer
While watching sports
Kids shield their eyes
When I wear shorts
I eat raw steaks
And spicy wings
(Plus onion flavored
Bagel rings)
I never cry
Except at night
Trying on bras
Is normal, right?
I laugh and curtsy
Skip and twirl
Oh man I wish
I was a girl!


11 2009


does one small fib mean i cannot
still be an honest man?
if i skip just one football game
am i not still a fan?
might one psychotic passing thought
mean i’m no longer sane?
can one stray dried-up onion flake
make one’s bagel not plain?


09 2009

I hate football

Crooked referees with your pocket full of lies
Revising history right before my very eyes

Saying plays are legal even though they’re not allowed
Showing zero shame in pandering to the home crowd

You clearly have no problem selling out your very souls
I bet you’d even call my onion bagels┬ájelly rolls

topics: , ,


09 2009

The Ever-Changing Fortunes of the Guy Who Brought Bagels to the Tailgate Party

He was derided, then shunned
But when they tasted his onions,
Everyone there
Bought him
A beer.


09 2009


The bagel tournament ran long today
so the finalists will finish tomorrow;
Onion remains the odds-on favorite
but the wagers tell a different story

If onion awakens stale as a stone
in tupperware riddled with pinholes,
The poppyseed posse placing those bets
will sure have some explaining to do


07 2009