Posts Tagged ‘law’

Sonnet VIII

The State came knocking, pounding on the door,
And when they busted through found quite a mess:
A dozen bagels strewn across the floor,
In varied, lurid stages of undress.

But far worse was an onion sliced in two,
With what they deemed was no remorse at all;
Its skin was slathered with a cream cheese glue,
That kept each half stuck to the kitchen wall.

The agents clenched their fists and cried Why, Lord?
Their souls were shattered, battered with self doubt;
One tried to hang himself with toaster cord,
Until the wiser, other belted out:

Without us there could never justice be —
These bagels need protective custody!


07 2009

Ma Bagel

Ma Bagel used to run this town
and everybody in it
She held the House Reps in Her palm
and puppeteered the Senate

Unchecked Her business crushed the hopes
of each entrepreneur
If you craved onions, wheats or plains
you had to go through Her

Her reach was omnipresent
with prices nearing rape
She ruled all with a Doughy Fist
that no one could escape

When finally a lawsuit took
Her hands from the controls
The hungry people growled no more
“Ma has me by the holes!”


03 2009

An Obviously Unjust Verdict

I warning you Judge, I’m gonna’ appeal
‘Cause these twelve aren’t a jury of my peers
None of them are as good-looking as me
Their schooling pales next to my Ph.D.
Heads of state never ask for their advice
Party planners don’t sculpt their busts in ice
Their 401Ks aren’t fully vested
And they weren’t just recently arrested

There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still
‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill


02 2009

question for the fda

voodoo bagels
high upon the shelf
infinite power
in your endless loops

when sliced
others are cut
when toasted
another is burned
when eaten
someone else’s breath smells like onion

how can you be legal

topics: , ,


02 2009

Sworn Testimony of the Accused Onion Bagel

I cannot tell a lie
I have no alibi
For the night the murder took place
And although it seems damning
I have been seen slamming
Beer bottles in the deceased’s face
You see, when I’m drinking
I sometimes stop thinking
That vice I do surely possess
But as for this crime
You’re wasting your time
If you think that this bagel will confess
Instead my suggestion
Is for you to question
What made your detectives so sloppy
It takes not a sleuth
To uncover the truth
Since your crime scene is plastered with poppy


01 2009

reconstructing a sentence

“you sir, are an onion
on the
otherwise respectable
of society”

sneered the judge
as he gave me
ten to twenty

“thank you”
i replied
“i’m flattered”

topics: , ,


12 2008