crankypants
this juice is too pulpy
these eggs are too dry
those flakes are too corny
that toast is too rye
this bacon’s too greasy
that hash is too browned
this bagel’s too spicy,
and also too round
Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category
birthday bagel
birthday bagel on my plate
cream cheese frosting – just one taste!
melting wax on onion crust peels right off – no need to fuss!
let’s make this day extra nice – dish me up a second slice!
melting wax on onion crust peels right off – no need to fuss!
let’s make this day extra nice – dish me up a second slice!
25
08 2009
Dirty Work – or – Don’t Even Ask What Happened in Rockford
Yanking on my bulbs
Yanking on my bulbs
I’ve got to get this batch of onions shipped off to DeKalb
Call the master freighter
Call the master freighter
He knows how to fill those boxes heading to Decatur
Oiling up my dough
Oiling up my dough
These rings of bread are due tomorrow up in Oswego
Fingering my holes
Fingering my holes
These bagels taste way better than the ones you get in Hull
Sucking cigarettes
Sucking cigarettes
My post-meal bliss should last me all the way to Joliet
24
08 2009
apparently, i’m twelve
something smells
and i can’t tell
if it’s just me
or this bakery
’cause onion frames
have scents the same
from their fresh-baked start
to my post-meal fart
21
08 2009
Maybe It’s Just A Phase
My onion bagel once was full
A wond’rous glowing sight
But since I started eating it
It’s just been losing light
I nibbled first around one edge
And much to my surprise
It turned into a gibbous ring
Before my very eyes
The more I ate the more it waned
Which was a true depressant
I soon found I had nothing left
Except a fresh baked crescent
Reluctantly I passed the final
Bite between my lips
Then spent the moonless night in tears
Mourning its eclipse
20
08 2009
extraction
the surgeon prepares his instruments
scalpel? check (serrated) forceps? check (from the ice bucket)
fingers scrubbed, elbows pointed outward he approaches his patient and gets to work
such expert deft! what practiced poise! student viewers would surely stare wide-eyed, wondering at his untrembling hands (if said students were actually here)
breath held lip bitten he removes the cat hair from the cream cheese, steps back from the table (kitchen) and allows his onion bagel to recuperate
scalpel? check (serrated) forceps? check (from the ice bucket)
fingers scrubbed, elbows pointed outward he approaches his patient and gets to work
such expert deft! what practiced poise! student viewers would surely stare wide-eyed, wondering at his untrembling hands (if said students were actually here)
breath held lip bitten he removes the cat hair from the cream cheese, steps back from the table (kitchen) and allows his onion bagel to recuperate
