Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category
An Obviously Unjust Verdict
I warning you Judge, I’m gonna’ appeal
‘Cause these twelve aren’t a jury of my peers
None of them are as good-looking as me
Their schooling pales next to my Ph.D.
Heads of state never ask for their advice
Party planners don’t sculpt their busts in ice
Their 401Ks aren’t fully vested
And they weren’t just recently arrested
There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still ‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill
There’s no way you can think this jury’s like me still ‘Specially since onion bagels don’t drive them to kill
21
02 2009
speech on a sidewalk
hold on to your bag, lady
or you gonna lose it
cuz i think you’s
in harm’s way
this city moves fast and
those cars move faster
and your cart
with that bum wheel
ain’t helping any
i see your mouth moving it’s talking to no one and no body is listening good
i see your mouth moving it’s talking to no one and no body is listening good
your temper goes quick
but your loved ones go quicker
til one day
you’s all you
got left
hold on to your bagel, lady
cuz i think you hungry
and that’s all the food
that you got
those onions smell stanky
but your breath smell stankier
and i won’t always be
givin you
this advice
hold on to your bagel, lady
18
02 2009
The Connoisseur
He holidays in bagel country
hits all the hottest spots
greets bakers on a first name basis
tastings are complimentary
He holds poppies to the light muses about maturity swirls sesames with expert deft deciphers intricate bouquets
He chews blueberries reflectively spits them out like the others but when they offer him onions he swallows, then goes back for seconds
He holds poppies to the light muses about maturity swirls sesames with expert deft deciphers intricate bouquets
He chews blueberries reflectively spits them out like the others but when they offer him onions he swallows, then goes back for seconds
15
02 2009
Religious Intolerance
The day Monsignor switched
the Eucharist
out for mini onion Bagel Bites®
Was the day they sent him to another parish
And a dark day for the Church indeed
Was the day they sent him to another parish
And a dark day for the Church indeed
14
02 2009
Rebirth of Bagel Boy
Don’t call me Bagel Boy, cried Bagel Boy to me
A request no self-respecting, self-conscious tween could heed
So we filled up his gym locker with sesame seeds
And we covered his textbooks with Neufchatel Cheese
Then we prank called his house and said Is your fridge running? Since at that point we’d run out of bagel-themed ideas
Unlike us, however, this kid was quite cunning ‘Cause he came one schoolday dressed just like an onion And we didn’t know what, but knew he was up to something So we left him alone, too scared to make fun of him
Then we prank called his house and said Is your fridge running? Since at that point we’d run out of bagel-themed ideas
Unlike us, however, this kid was quite cunning ‘Cause he came one schoolday dressed just like an onion And we didn’t know what, but knew he was up to something So we left him alone, too scared to make fun of him
