Posts Tagged ‘sex’
leadership is important
i know you’re married
but so am i
and when your bagels pop you know we’ll both know that it’s time
so don’t you worry ’cause i won’t press
and when you say let’s wait you know i’ll sit my onion on its shelf
and soon our spouses join in ’cause the union means we’re all in
and any effing forcefeeders are totally like stalin
and when your bagels pop you know we’ll both know that it’s time
so don’t you worry ’cause i won’t press
and when you say let’s wait you know i’ll sit my onion on its shelf
and soon our spouses join in ’cause the union means we’re all in
and any effing forcefeeders are totally like stalin
06
03 2009
Confession
I’m a churchgoing bagel, Heaven is my goal
I’m a God-fearing bagel, only He can save my soul
I’m a tolerating bagel, I won’t judge a jelly roll
I’m a virtue-laden bagel, which is something to extol
Yet I’m a weak-willed bagel when the Devil takes control and I can’t stop inserting objects in my onion hole
Yet I’m a weak-willed bagel when the Devil takes control and I can’t stop inserting objects in my onion hole
05
02 2009
onion bar baby
i met her at an onion bar
i could see in her eyes she was gone pretty far
she said “look at my tattoo!” but she pointed to a scar
we danced at the onion bar
she pulled me in the bathroom smoke so thick you could scoop it with a spoon the music was muffled but the drums they still boomed we kissed in the bathroom
i said “how do i know you ain’t gonna bust me?” she said “didn’t i tell you you could never trust me?” i pulled out my toaster, but it was kinda rusty she had a bagel, and it was kinda musty
but that didn’t stop us
we sat around and ate some more we sat around and ate some more we sat around and ate and then
i tried to drop the bagel and grab onto her hips but she said “you gotta hold it steady, so the cream cheese doesn’t smear across my lips”
she pulled me in the bathroom smoke so thick you could scoop it with a spoon the music was muffled but the drums they still boomed we kissed in the bathroom
i said “how do i know you ain’t gonna bust me?” she said “didn’t i tell you you could never trust me?” i pulled out my toaster, but it was kinda rusty she had a bagel, and it was kinda musty
but that didn’t stop us
we sat around and ate some more we sat around and ate some more we sat around and ate and then
i tried to drop the bagel and grab onto her hips but she said “you gotta hold it steady, so the cream cheese doesn’t smear across my lips”
16
01 2009
Reflections on Daughterhood
“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
My mother would often warn me,
“Although they may make you feel thankful,
Such gifts are quite often not free.”
If only my youthful ears listened Alas! I believed I knew better, My morals were frequently loosened By an Xs- and Bagels-signed letter.
I’d smile for a boy serving sesames, I’d wink at a guy wielding wheats, Before long, men were undressing me By baiting me with blueberry treats.
But my heart only fell for one Romeo Who made me forget all the rest, His sweet onion bagel aroma Awakened true love in my breast.
In nine months I found myself natal, And our daughter drove him away, “Be wary of men bearing bagels,” I oftentimes tell her today.
If only my youthful ears listened Alas! I believed I knew better, My morals were frequently loosened By an Xs- and Bagels-signed letter.
I’d smile for a boy serving sesames, I’d wink at a guy wielding wheats, Before long, men were undressing me By baiting me with blueberry treats.
But my heart only fell for one Romeo Who made me forget all the rest, His sweet onion bagel aroma Awakened true love in my breast.
In nine months I found myself natal, And our daughter drove him away, “Be wary of men bearing bagels,” I oftentimes tell her today.
