Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

single serving cream cheese container

you know you got it goin’ on
everything i want
and need in one
conveniently pocketable package

i long to touch you
to feel your cool against my warm
fingertips taking hold
lifting lustfully on your waiting lid

and now it is time to spread
my blade begins
you are smooth
and you are generous but only at first

for midway through my onion bagel’s
second half you empty
leaving me — and the promise you made —
forever unfulfilled

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28

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
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time to celebrate

hit the rock
now boom! let’s blow it up
then pump your fist in circles
and bark just like a pup

raise the roof
a chest bump in midair!
let’s wave our limbs around
as if we just don’t care

kick your heels
spirit fingers full of pride
now line up all our friends
for the electric slide!

silent cheer!
gimme five! no gimme ten!
we’re having onion bagels
for our breakfast again!

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27

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
2 Comments

row 32

tiny stewardess
slinking down the aisle
active little hands
serving snack after snack after snack

you smile, share a laugh
shuffle through your shelves
so long at each row!
so many more to go
if you’re out
of onion bagels
when you reach my seat
i’m bringing down this goddamned airplane
so help me jesus

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26

04 2009


by andy
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stone sober logic

i woke in bagel puke again
familiar onion sludge
but i had zero drinks last night
so don’t be quick to judge

i think i must be suffering
from some foodborne disease
’cause whiskeys tend not to expire
but sometimes does cream cheese

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25

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
2 Comments

(they’re the ones with goatees)

almost every onion bagel
that i’ve eaten
has been Good

but one or two of them
have been Evil

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24

04 2009


by andy
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time, cruel and heartless, what is it that you have done with my child?

my bagel used to be clean cut
he’d do as he was told
but since he started growing up
he’s gotten rather bold

he hangs out with these seedy types
and does distasteful things
like smoking back behind the school
and blowing onion rings

the girls he sees all have pierced holes
and smell distinctly stale
they look like they belong in some
two-week-old baked goods sale

he skipped his prom and passed out at
an all-night toaster rave
and came home sporting sideburns —
that’s just no way to behave!

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23

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

Schmear or no Schmear

That bagel’s got a soul patch!
It’s got so much soul!

That bagel’s got an earring
Stuck right through its hole!

That bagel’s got a game show
That prizes are won on!

That bagel’s got a briefcase!
It’s chock full of onion!

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22

04 2009


by andy
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just the lip

mustachioed bagel
you are a rare old onion indeed
always ready
to attend a bachelor party
or investigate crimes in hawai’i
or be eaten by someone
not afraid
of a little hair in his food

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21

04 2009


by andy
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growth

my onion bagel grew a beard
and ever since when i have smeared
cream cheese upon it i have feared
my butter knife would leave it sheared

(i bet its hairs would taste real weird)

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20

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

a valuable non-lesson

i heard that if
you cannot learn
from your past experience

you’ll have no choice
and will be doomed
forever to repeat it

so though i’m quite
intelligent
about the onion bagel

i’m careful not
to ever be
taught a thing while eating one

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19

04 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

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