Posts Tagged ‘numbers’

Limerick #10

I guess the biggest one I’ve ever seen,
In inches, had to be damn near eighteen –
It made the women blush,
And its proud owner gush,
That onion bagel’s so huge it’s obscene!

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12 2009

Why I’m Staring Suspiciously at an Appliance

The streetlamp went out, right when I crossed
My laptop froze up, and my work was lost
I just need this bagel, toasted with cheese
Why must tragic things always come in threes?


12 2009

Higher Math

A bagel’s a loaf of bread minus a hole
A gnome is approximately equal a troll
An onion’s a bulb plus some layers umpteen
What was that line about gnomes s’posed to mean?

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11 2009


does one small fib mean i cannot
still be an honest man?
if i skip just one football game
am i not still a fan?
might one psychotic passing thought
mean i’m no longer sane?
can one stray dried-up onion flake
make one’s bagel not plain?


09 2009

family feast

heading down to the delicatessen
i learned a valuable mathematics lesson

eight siblings, two parents and one cousin
looks like we’ll need an even dozen

but if i subtract my family tree,
there’s twelve onion bagels all for me

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05 2009

Scent by Numbers

At mile marker 98
just past Route 42
I like to put the windows down
and let fresh air blow through

First I pass the rows of corn
tall and green like trees
Their smell, though nice, sticks in my teeth
so I give them a “3”

Next up is the berry patch
a sweet and fragrant heaven
But too much sugar rots my nose
still they get a “7”

Finally the onion fields
come up around the bend
Their pungent, piercing, bold bouquet
earns them a perfect “10”

I breathe in deep and scrunch my nose
just like Robert DeNiro
Until I pass the cattle ranch —
with its stinky, bagel “Zero”


05 2009

Don’t Do This (II)

I counted my onion bagels before they boiled
1 bagel, 2 bagel, 3 bagel, 4 (!)

One fell on the ground and got totally soiled
1 bagel, 2 bagel, 3 (and no more)

My tongue-wagging dog soaked another in slobber
1 bagel, 2 bagel (oh how depressin’)

Then the last two got snatched by a breakfast food robber
0 bagels left (but I learned a good lesson!)

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04 2009