Archive for December, 2009

in the pad

tv sports for hours and hours
unbrushed teeth and undrawn showers
breakfast pizza, dinner eggs
onion bagel crumbs on legs
what a messy, manly day
can you tell my wife’s away?




05

12 2009

Rabbi’s Delight

Come up to my crib, ya’ll
And don’t forget yo’ bib, ya’ll
‘Cuz we gon’ eat some bay-galls
And crumbs gon’ straight be sprayed all
Over yo’ baby da-ddy
And in yo’ momma’s Ca-ddy
Yo’ gramps be gettin’ mad, G
Cuz’ crumbs stick to his plaid, see?

Now when I eat my bagel I be eatin’ da’ whole thing, yo
So don’t be try’n ta’ jack me Esse just cuz’ I’m a gringo
The shorties like the sweet ones and the old folks like the wheats
But any kinds-a bagels are the kinds I’s likes ta’ eats

Some suckas like a sticky bun (bun)
And toast-eatas can eat my gun (gun)
You think yo’ gold chain weighs a ton (ton?)
My bagel’s all blinged out with uhn (yun!)

My baby’s got Gucci, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got chronic, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got babies, but my bagel’s got onions,
My baby’s got herpes.




04

12 2009

On the murky cloud of uncertainty that is the future of the obscure niche poet with a self-imposed and fast-approaching retirement date

Lo! I feel sick!
Alas! It’s so strange!
Can too many poems
On one topic derange?
Will bagels stick with me
Like rabid dogs’ mange?
Or might I shed layers,
And finally change?




03

12 2009

Why I’m Staring Suspiciously at an Appliance

The streetlamp went out, right when I crossed
My laptop froze up, and my work was lost
I just need this bagel, toasted with cheese
Why must tragic things always come in threes?




02

12 2009

Limerick #9

Reginald Williamson Bagel the Third
Married an onion bulb (or so I heard)
Until honeymoonin’
He thought she was human
(I think the whole thing’s completely absurd)




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01

12 2009