Author Archive
a difference of opinion
itty bitty bagel nibbler
each bite piddlinger than the last
content to eat the slimmest slivers
onion crumbs dissolving fast
some marvel at your self-restraint possessor of a patient tongue but i already cleared my plate and think your brains are full of dung
some marvel at your self-restraint possessor of a patient tongue but i already cleared my plate and think your brains are full of dung
05
09 2009
nice onions
why you staring at my shirt?
i’m not gawking at you, plus
even if you thought i was
i guarantee you that i were’t
can’t i wear stuff that i like? some pants, this shirt, maybe a hat without you bein all like that? that horse you’re on is so low – psych!
you shirt-lookers are all the same think your rules should lead every game if you ask me, my shirt’s legit – it just says “show your bagels” on it
can’t i wear stuff that i like? some pants, this shirt, maybe a hat without you bein all like that? that horse you’re on is so low – psych!
you shirt-lookers are all the same think your rules should lead every game if you ask me, my shirt’s legit – it just says “show your bagels” on it
04
09 2009
man hands
i’m a somewhat sexy man
with fairly sexy, manly hands
they hold my briefcase while at work
and punch walls when i go berserk
they gut the blue gill that i caught
and stroke my beard when i’m in thought
they’re calloused in the yard and such
but women find them soft to touch
yet my palms reach their sexiest
when on them onion bagels rest
03
09 2009
Awkward
Bagel-head tweens in their skinny-legged jeans
Oft make me sneer, pucker and pout
I hear their crusts cracking and smell hygiene lacking
And generally get all creeped out
But once in a while a kid makes me smile By toasting with style and grace Tho it not long lasts, as he soon feels he has To pop a big squirting onion on his face
But once in a while a kid makes me smile By toasting with style and grace Tho it not long lasts, as he soon feels he has To pop a big squirting onion on his face
31
08 2009
Weather, Or Not
This hillside is burning, and so is my heart
With homes, and relationships, falling apart
The things we once cherished are those we now harm
As fire trucks, and consciences, sound their alarm
Our tree trunks, and dreams for the future, are charred
Reduced to a pile of ash in the yard
Was the culprit a toaster set too far to dark?
Or a boiling hot, spiced bagel of a remark?
30
08 2009
who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?
i bought a bag of bagels
said “onion” on the front
but when i opened them i had
something else to confront
for on each ring of onion
were popping up like weeds
unadvertised ingredients
you’d know as poppy seeds
at first i thought “what gives here?”
and then said “what the hell?”
but soon i realized that this ploy
was really just as well
for if i tried to sell you
a meal of borscht and poop
i think i’d also choose to focus
solely on the soup
29
08 2009
crankypants
this juice is too pulpy
these eggs are too dry
those flakes are too corny
that toast is too rye
this bacon’s too greasy
that hash is too browned
this bagel’s too spicy,
and also too round
