Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

i am a genius (a lazy, lazy genius)

a 45-degree angle
is all that separates
your average toaster
from an onion bagel
air mail machine




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18

04 2009

Either Way, I’m Pro-Onion

When does a bagel start to be?
is one of life’s great mysteries

Is dough the only needed thing?
or does it have to be a ring?

Will boiling it a bagel make?
or must it have begun to bake?

Though we may never solve this question
we know that they end with digestion




17

04 2009

Don’t Do This (II)

I counted my onion bagels before they boiled
1 bagel, 2 bagel, 3 bagel, 4 (!)

One fell on the ground and got totally soiled
1 bagel, 2 bagel, 3 (and no more)

My tongue-wagging dog soaked another in slobber
1 bagel, 2 bagel (oh how depressin’)

Then the last two got snatched by a breakfast food robber
0 bagels left (but I learned a good lesson!)




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16

04 2009

Don’t Do This (I)

I put all my bagels in one basket
Then scrambled them up just like eggs
Straight to the top, only onions did pop
So I gave them all some more shakes

And once I was sure they were shuffled
(On this fact I knew I could swear)
I looked at the bin — all onions again!
The shock knocked me right to the floor

But during my drop it so happened
I bumped the basket off the range
And as they did fall, onions one and all
They knocked something right in my brain

For though all my efforts at mixing
Intended to diversify them
I guess I forgot, all I ever bought
Were bagels with onions inside them!




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15

04 2009

the struggle

quite often when i’ve ate my din
the folks i know won’t say hello
though i nod and wave they act like they’ve
never seen my face and away they race
leaving me alone to cry and moan
what could it be that makes them flee?
yet deep down i know with each burp i blow
that my bagel breath sickens them to death

yes my love of onion has me shunned and
all this scorn leaves me somewhat torn
should i change my flavor to gain their favor —
or enjoy my food in solitude?




14

04 2009

Temper Tantrum

I WANT A BAGEL!
BAGEL! BAGEL! BAGEL!
GIMMEABAGEL!
GIMMMEEAABAAGELLL!
NOWWWW!
OWWWW!
WOWW!
AOW!
AH!
WAH!
NAAA!
BAAAY—

oh thank you, you shouldn’t have, onion? my favorite!




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13

04 2009

Bagel-Shaped Scar

it’s right there
on her arm
says she won’t
discuss it

but when she
smells onions
or hears a
toaster pop

the twitch in
her eyelid
tells me some-
day she might




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12

04 2009

A Bitter Split

Although once inseparable,
things mightily changed
when the bottom smelled
suspiciously of onions

Top left the bread box
moved back with its folks

The crumbs are the ones
really suffering




11

04 2009

Didn’t They Make a Movie About This?

When the stuntmouse jumped
his moped over
two dozen freshly baked bagels,

We had to admit
that if nothing else,
he had a big pair of onions.




10

04 2009

10

not the silly car i drove
or the goofy hair i had
not the food we didn’t eat
or the movie that was bad
not the single-gendered dorm
with girls passing in the hall
not the rectress around the corner
watching one and all
not even the smell of onion bagels
from the garbage bin
could keep our lips from touching
once our romance did begin




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09

04 2009