Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

wichita, ks

i remember when this was just meadows
not a condo or strip mall in sight
just a colorful flash of birds’ feathers
and the flit of a young child’s kite

but change fluttered in with the winter wind
and onion seeds came along too
before i had reached my childhood’s end
fragrant bulbs frequently grew

these days the smell from the flour mill
brings the answer to every boy’s prayer
when crossing the field with your kite in tow
the bagels, sweet bagels are everywhere




05

03 2009

Working in the Toast Mine

My onion bagel
worked overtime this morning

It gets
cream cheese and a half for it

But it always
makes it totally burned out




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04

03 2009

you’re lucky you’re so oniony

bad bagel!
bad bad bad!
you are a very bad
bad bad bagel!

bad bagel!

bad!


oh
who am i kidding?

i can’t stay
mad
at you




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03

03 2009

The Bagelor

First he picked the Sesame
but when he sent the Other away,
The rivers pouring from his eyes
his true feelings did betray

The memories of departed love
were not ones he could shake,
So when he had a second chance
he said this was a mistake

He broke the fresh-baked Bagel heart
of the first one that he chose,
Then wisely offered his Onion love
the last and final rose




02

03 2009

don’t you on the other hand me

there are two sides
to every story
just like
there are two halves
to every onion bagel

unless you don’t
cut it in half

which is
a weird thing
to do
to a perfectly good story
anyways




01

03 2009

Ain’t

Dirty Sanchez
ain’t so dirty
Cleveland Steamer
ain’t so steamy
Until you do the
Onion Bagel
Your sex life
ain’t so seamy




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28

02 2009

It’s Party Time

It’s okay if the sour cream has turned
or if the sautéed garlic got completely burned
Don’t worry that the avocado’s black
or that the roasted peppers liquified right in their sack
Who really cares if the cheese is mostly mold
or the center of the chicken breast is still a little cold

‘Cause even the vilest, most revolting dip
tastes pretty damn good on an onion bagel chip




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27

02 2009

The Beginning

Ring that bagel ’round the moon!
Sprinkle the stars with onions!
Cut the comets with butter knives, and
Smother the cosmos in cream cheese!
Plug your toasters into the sun
And dial them up to Darkest!
We’ve got a world of work to do
So we really mustn’t skip breakfast!




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26

02 2009

The Judgment

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
When it’s all settled then you must
Look back and ask Did I do well?
(Read: Will I go to heaven, or will I go to hell?)
Did I make the most of gifts I was given?
Did I show thanks for the life I was livin’?
Did I love my friends and my family too?
Did I even love people I hardly knew?
Did I make the most of every minute?
(Read: Were all my bagels ones with onion in it?)




25

02 2009

In defense of food

Don’t call my bagel fat
you foul-mouthed freak

It’s soft ’cause it’s not stale
It’s fluffy ’cause yeast rises
It’s round ’cause it’s a ring

(Besides, it’s just big-onioned)




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24

02 2009