Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

Old Habits

I was blackout drunk,
and I surely stunk
of sweat and dirt and vomit
when I went to that joint
up at Downer’s Point,
hadn’t been there since Halley’s Comet.
But they knew me there
and they poured my share,
made it stiff as rigor mortis,
kept filling my cup
’til the sun came up,
and I rolled out like a tortoise.
Next thing I knew
I was coming to
in my ex- ex- ex-girlfriend’s apartment,
the sun shone unbearable
my head pounded terrible
like a fire at the fire department.
Still I gasped out her name
when I witnessed her frame,
stale and lifeless on the floor by the sink,
my onions were mussed
with fresh blood on my crust
and I thought What’s my AA group gonna’ think?




19

01 2009

concerning a union

this bagel
i know

good bagel
hardworking bagel
little on the onion-y side
but still

a good
nice
stand-up type bagel

just married
this croissant

from france


just hope it’s for love
ya know?

and not
for some stupid
green card




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18

01 2009

Apologies to Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville

Look at this onion,
compressed by dehydration.
Look at this bagel,
awaiting mastication;

Ooh —

I don’t know much,
but I know I’m hungry,
and that may be all I need to know.




17

01 2009

onion bar baby

i met her at an onion bar
i could see in her eyes she was gone pretty far
she said “look at my tattoo!” but she pointed to a scar
we danced at the onion bar

she pulled me in the bathroom
smoke so thick you could scoop it with a spoon
the music was muffled but the drums they still boomed
we kissed in the bathroom

i said “how do i know you ain’t gonna bust me?”
she said “didn’t i tell you you could never trust me?”
i pulled out my toaster, but it was kinda rusty
she had a bagel, and it was kinda musty

but that didn’t stop us

we sat around and ate some more
we sat around and ate some more
we sat around and ate and then

i tried to drop the bagel and grab onto her hips
but she said “you gotta hold it steady, so the cream cheese doesn’t smear across my lips”




16

01 2009

a crossing

black bordered
yellow diamond

your silhouetted shapes
within
drive me to look
within
myself

am i
like this diamond?

am i bordered
by blackness?
am i
yellow?
am i filled
with shapes so simple:

one large ring
followed closely
by three smaller ones?

the questions cross
my mind
the answers cross
my lips

yes

yes

a dozen times —

oh, wait
those aren’t onion bagels

they’re ducks




14

01 2009

request from an onion bagel eater

you can tell me that i’m crazy
that i haven’t got a clue,
or argue that i’m stupid
i won’t claim that’s untrue,
feel free to call me ugly
since my eyebrows are askew,
just don’t say that i have bad taste
or darling, we are through




13

01 2009

a series of revelations

well
well
well

what have we here?

looks like the shoe
is on the other foot

and by “shoe”
__i mean “onion”

and by “foot”
____i mean “bagel”

and by “we”
______i mean “oui”

because i’m actually
french




12

01 2009

Reflections on Daughterhood

“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
My mother would often warn me,
“Although they may make you feel thankful,
Such gifts are quite often not free.”

If only my youthful ears listened
Alas! I believed I knew better,
My morals were frequently loosened
By an Xs- and Bagels-signed letter.

I’d smile for a boy serving sesames,
I’d wink at a guy wielding wheats,
Before long, men were undressing me
By baiting me with blueberry treats.

But my heart only fell for one Romeo
Who made me forget all the rest,
His sweet onion bagel aroma
Awakened true love in my breast.

In nine months I found myself natal,
And our daughter drove him away,
“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
I oftentimes tell her today.




09

01 2009

the impatient poet – or – perhaps it’s time to update the DSM-IV

i’m sorry, doctor, but it’s happening again
what is this, eleven, twelve times in a row?
i swear i’m not trying to sway this exam
i’m simply reciting the objects you show

another, now another, i can’t take much more
oh please won’t you finally tell me we’re through?
these sessions are making me crazier than before—
that ink blot looks just like an onion bagel too!




08

01 2009

Sworn Testimony of the Accused Onion Bagel

I cannot tell a lie
I have no alibi
For the night the murder took place
And although it seems damning
I have been seen slamming
Beer bottles in the deceased’s face
You see, when I’m drinking
I sometimes stop thinking
That vice I do surely possess
But as for this crime
You’re wasting your time
If you think that this bagel will confess
Instead my suggestion
Is for you to question
What made your detectives so sloppy
It takes not a sleuth
To uncover the truth
Since your crime scene is plastered with poppy




07

01 2009