Archive for July, 2009

Suspicion

The bagel tournament ran long today
so the finalists will finish tomorrow;
Onion remains the odds-on favorite
but the wagers tell a different story

If onion awakens stale as a stone
in tupperware riddled with pinholes,
The poppyseed posse placing those bets
will sure have some explaining to do

submit to reddit



topics: , ,

11

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

considering an absence

circles concentric
hole within a whole

a fullness
around an emptiness
replacing one with the other
inside me

from crust to bread
to crust to air,
layered like the bulbs
that flavor it

it is many things
yet it is defined by what it is not

submit to reddit



topics: ,

10

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
2 Comments

more energizing than coffee, less filling than a bagel

please mind your handwriting
when faxing in an order

because lox onion
and lox on ion

are two entirely
different breakfasts

submit to reddit



topics: ,

09

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
3 Comments

Haiku #8

Onion bagel pair
From above: infinity
Edible karma

submit to reddit



topics: ,

08

07 2009


by andy
posted in haiku
No Comments

The King of Pop

The King of Pop, from an early age,
Popped the greatest toasters ever popped on stage;
He toasted every bread-based food from A to Z,
(And made it look easier than 1-2-3);
The darkness dial master, he knew just how to heat it,
If you tried to outpop him, he’d tell you to go beat it;
His pops had height and distance, their artistry was killer,
Everyone would scream and shout, your toast is such a thriller!
He cooked both wheat and Wonder, ’til they took to flight,
It clearly didn’t matter if his toasts were black or white;

Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside,
He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.

submit to reddit



topics: , , ,

07

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

Consider Your Resale Value Increased

If you want to smell pine trees, move to the forest,
A grove full of lemons is an olfactory bore-fest,
Flowery fragrances just aren’t up to par,
And your beater should not have the scent of new car.

So if you seek fresh auto air you’ll revere,
Just hang an onion bagel from your rearview mirror.

submit to reddit



topics: ,

06

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

You Asked Me to Bagel-Sit

You asked me to bagel-sit,
so why is it that
you’re shocked to come home
from the place you’ve been at,
To find that your saucy-tongued
onion-filled brat
has been flattened and splattened
like a pestering gnat?

You asked me to bagel-sit;
upon him I sat.

submit to reddit



topics: ,

05

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

The Competitor

His belly is unbeatable
His titles, all repeatable
There’s not a bagel in this world
that he would find uneatable

He needs not to bite off the crust
You’ll never see him cough or fuss
He bypasses his teeth
and sends them straight to his esophagus

Dunks each ring in the water
Wins all bouts by a slaughter
And even with his onion breath
he makes out with your daughter

The victor in the square again
The answer to each prayer we send
Our bagel eating champion
makes us proud to be American

submit to reddit



topics: , , ,

04

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
2 Comments

Baker’s Day Off

He didn’t set one foot in
the kitchen all day long
He never rolled a Ho Ho
or cream filled a Ding Dong
His body was as far from
his work as it could be
But privately his mind was
the furthest thing from free

The sandy beach reminded
him of an onioned dough
The sun’s rays were an oven
turned high as it could go
And when those kids played frisbee
and gave it quite a fling
He only saw soar past him
a toasted bagel ring

submit to reddit



topics: ,

03

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

Round – A Round Sung in Three Parts, Preferably Not by a Chorus of Schoolchildren

I love you, bagel
So round and plump,
Your curvy onionness
Makes my heart thump,
Sometimes I wish that we
Could hump,
My bagel
Round and plump

submit to reddit



topics: , ,

02

07 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »