new! - "boiling emotion" search story

-
the search for life's meaning can take many shapes - in this case, it's a ring.

Reflections on Daughterhood

“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
My mother would often warn me,
“Although they may make you feel thankful,
Such gifts are quite often not free.”

If only my youthful ears listened
Alas! I believed I knew better,
My morals were frequently loosened
By an Xs- and Bagels-signed letter.

I’d smile for a boy serving sesames,
I’d wink at a guy wielding wheats,
Before long, men were undressing me
By baiting me with blueberry treats.

But my heart only fell for one Romeo
Who made me forget all the rest,
His sweet onion bagel aroma
Awakened true love in my breast.

In nine months I found myself natal,
And our daughter drove him away,
“Be wary of men bearing bagels,”
I oftentimes tell her today.




topics: , , , ,

09

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

the impatient poet – or – perhaps it’s time to update the DSM-IV

i’m sorry, doctor, but it’s happening again
what is this, eleven, twelve times in a row?
i swear i’m not trying to sway this exam
i’m simply reciting the objects you show

another, now another, i can’t take much more
oh please won’t you finally tell me we’re through?
these sessions are making me crazier than before—
that ink blot looks just like an onion bagel too!




topics: , , ,

08

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

Sworn Testimony of the Accused Onion Bagel

I cannot tell a lie
I have no alibi
For the night the murder took place
And although it seems damning
I have been seen slamming
Beer bottles in the deceased’s face
You see, when I’m drinking
I sometimes stop thinking
That vice I do surely possess
But as for this crime
You’re wasting your time
If you think that this bagel will confess
Instead my suggestion
Is for you to question
What made your detectives so sloppy
It takes not a sleuth
To uncover the truth
Since your crime scene is plastered with poppy




topics: , , , ,

07

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

Haiku #2

onion shavings fall
smooth golden surface revealed
manscaping bagel




topics:

06

01 2009


by andy
posted in haiku
No Comments

I’ll Try a Box of the Onion Ones

Krispy Kreme
sells
Doughnut Holes

Are you
listening,
Einstein Bros.?




topics:

05

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

Sonnet I

I stood one winter by the river’s bank,
And gazed across at the thickening ice.
I had my Lord and my baker to thank,
For my meal was warm, so toasty and nice.
It smelled of onions, life’s richest bouquet,
Its skin shimmered brown beneath the sun’s glow.
Though heav’nly bodies I dare not betray,
I swear I beheld it melting the snow!
The blanket of white was thinned to a sheet,
And life anew arose hysterical,
Up sprouted shrubbery, grasses and wheat:
Eden reborn, a wond’rous miracle!
Soon that frozen river babbled once more,
And I swam safely to the other shore.




topics: , , ,

04

01 2009


by andy
posted in sonnet
No Comments

Limerick #2

There once was an onion topped bagel
Whose hole was too small to finagle
At first I said “Doh! Pwhaaa?!?”
But then I watched Oprah
And learned it was flexing its Kegel




topics: ,

03

01 2009


by andy
posted in limerick
2 Comments

Don’t tell him I said this

Between you and me,
there’s this guy
on the docks
who works eighteen hour shifts
He opens
beer bottles
just with his teeth
and catches black marlin barehanded
He benches
three eighty
runs marathons each week
and memorized Pi to ninety digits
He tries law
in Jersey
and wins every case
and always finds contact lenses when you drop them
He tutors
celebrities’ kids
in ceramics
and decorates condos on the weekends
He’s a universal donor
a volunteer firefighter
a Big Brother, a junior senator and a physician
He can solve
all your problems
and answer your prayers —
but not until he gets his morning onion bagel in him,
because before that he’s just a big old worthless sleepy crabby crankypants




topics: ,

02

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

dawn

they say the fishermen
always see it first
they certainly did this year

through the morning mist
how it shivers and smacks!
a warmness
__hairs arising
a brightness
__eyelids squinting

unkempt nails lose grip of coarse nets
gnarled toothpicks fall fast from slack lips

a vision
what a vision!
soaring up above the sea

now cresting
ascending
now filling the sky

the onion bagel sun fills the men with wonder
fills their nets with game
and fills the world with an unrelenting hope
that last year
never knew




topics: , ,

01

01 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
No Comments

Text Message From the Delicatessen

Your bagel has been canceled
due to inclement weather
PLEASE DO NOT HIT REPLY

You’ve already been rescheduled
for the next available bagel:
TUESDAY
6:05 PM

We apologize for any inconvenience
and we’ve upgraded you to “onion”
at no additional charge.




topics: , ,

31

12 2008


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

← Previous Entries
Next Entries →