Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

the knife unguided

some days it’s hard to stay centered
even when you feel quite sharp
you just lose the grip on your handle
and find yourself someplace so dark

your blade’s edge veers far from the middle
and slices too close to one side
succumbing to such an imbalance
each oniony cut makes you cry

forethoughtless you throw yourself forward
right into that toaster abyss
but half of you never feels warmer
and the other half burns to a crisp

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07

09 2009


by andy
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flipper

he buys bagels
adds some onions
sells them at a profit

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06

09 2009


by andy
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a difference of opinion

itty bitty bagel nibbler
each bite piddlinger than the last
content to eat the slimmest slivers
onion crumbs dissolving fast

some marvel at your self-restraint
possessor of a patient tongue
but i already cleared my plate
and think your brains are full of dung

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05

09 2009


by andy
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nice onions

why you staring at my shirt?
i’m not gawking at you, plus
even if you thought i was
i guarantee you that i were’t

can’t i wear stuff that i like?
some pants, this shirt, maybe a hat
without you bein all like that?
that horse you’re on is so low – psych!

you shirt-lookers are all the same
think your rules should lead every game
if you ask me, my shirt’s legit –
it just says “show your bagels” on it

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04

09 2009


by andy
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man hands

i’m a somewhat sexy man
with fairly sexy, manly hands
they hold my briefcase while at work
and punch walls when i go berserk
they gut the blue gill that i caught
and stroke my beard when i’m in thought
they’re calloused in the yard and such
but women find them soft to touch
yet my palms reach their sexiest
when on them onion bagels rest

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03

09 2009


by andy
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1 Comment

I’ll admit I wiped my mouth on the cat, if you admit you don’t respect my right to privacy

So what tipped you off?
The onion crumbs under his collar,
or the Pepé Le Pew smear of cream cheese down his back?

And what, might I ask, are you doing here again anyway?
Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

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02

09 2009


by andy
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that ain’t right

i seen a ton a awfull things
i shielded lots a eyes
of teeny tiny sweet young things
that needn’t be so wise

i seen many a frightfull sight
but never seen a man
take just one onion bagel bite
then toss it in the can

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01

09 2009


by andy
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Awkward

Bagel-head tweens in their skinny-legged jeans
Oft make me sneer, pucker and pout
I hear their crusts cracking and smell hygiene lacking
And generally get all creeped out

But once in a while a kid makes me smile
By toasting with style and grace
Tho it not long lasts, as he soon feels he has
To pop a big squirting onion on his face

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31

08 2009


by andy
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Weather, Or Not

This hillside is burning, and so is my heart
With homes, and relationships, falling apart
The things we once cherished are those we now harm
As fire trucks, and consciences, sound their alarm
Our tree trunks, and dreams for the future, are charred
Reduced to a pile of ash in the yard
Was the culprit a toaster set too far to dark?
Or a boiling hot, spiced bagel of a remark?

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30

08 2009


by andy
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who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

i bought a bag of bagels
said “onion” on the front
but when i opened them i had
something else to confront
for on each ring of onion
were popping up like weeds
unadvertised ingredients
you’d know as poppy seeds
at first i thought “what gives here?”
and then said “what the hell?”
but soon i realized that this ploy
was really just as well
for if i tried to sell you
a meal of borscht and poop
i think i’d also choose to focus
solely on the soup

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29

08 2009


by andy
posted in uncategorized
1 Comment

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