new! - "boiling emotion" search story
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the search for life's meaning can take many shapes - in this case, it's a ring.
Haiku #8
The King of Pop
The King of Pop, from an early age,
Popped the greatest toasters ever popped on stage;
He toasted every bread-based food from A to Z,
(And made it look easier than 1-2-3);
The darkness dial master, he knew just how to heat it,
If you tried to outpop him, he’d tell you to go beat it;
His pops had height and distance, their artistry was killer,
Everyone would scream and shout, your toast is such a thriller!
He cooked both wheat and Wonder, ’til they took to flight,
It clearly didn’t matter if his toasts were black or white;
Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside, He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.
Though no one thought his crumby reign would ever subside, He got too many facelifts, raped some onion bagels and died.
07
07 2009
Consider Your Resale Value Increased
If you want to smell pine trees, move to the forest,
A grove full of lemons is an olfactory bore-fest,
Flowery fragrances just aren’t up to par,
And your beater should not have the scent of new car.
So if you seek fresh auto air you’ll revere, Just hang an onion bagel from your rearview mirror.
So if you seek fresh auto air you’ll revere, Just hang an onion bagel from your rearview mirror.
06
07 2009
You Asked Me to Bagel-Sit
You asked me to bagel-sit,
so why is it that
you’re shocked to come home
from the place you’ve been at,
To find that your saucy-tongued
onion-filled brat
has been flattened and splattened
like a pestering gnat?
You asked me to bagel-sit; upon him I sat.
You asked me to bagel-sit; upon him I sat.
05
07 2009
The Competitor
His belly is unbeatable
His titles, all repeatable
There’s not a bagel in this world
that he would find uneatable
He needs not to bite off the crust You’ll never see him cough or fuss He bypasses his teeth and sends them straight to his esophagus
Dunks each ring in the water Wins all bouts by a slaughter And even with his onion breath he makes out with your daughter
The victor in the square again The answer to each prayer we send Our bagel eating champion makes us proud to be American
He needs not to bite off the crust You’ll never see him cough or fuss He bypasses his teeth and sends them straight to his esophagus
Dunks each ring in the water Wins all bouts by a slaughter And even with his onion breath he makes out with your daughter
The victor in the square again The answer to each prayer we send Our bagel eating champion makes us proud to be American
04
07 2009
Baker’s Day Off
He didn’t set one foot in
the kitchen all day long
He never rolled a Ho Ho
or cream filled a Ding Dong
His body was as far from
his work as it could be
But privately his mind was
the furthest thing from free
The sandy beach reminded him of an onioned dough The sun’s rays were an oven turned high as it could go And when those kids played frisbee and gave it quite a fling He only saw soar past him a toasted bagel ring
The sandy beach reminded him of an onioned dough The sun’s rays were an oven turned high as it could go And when those kids played frisbee and gave it quite a fling He only saw soar past him a toasted bagel ring
03
07 2009
Round – A Round Sung in Three Parts, Preferably Not by a Chorus of Schoolchildren
Damn You, Silverfish, Damn You!
This is super creepy
I wanna leave the room
I feel like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom
My knife is all apolished The cream cheese is ajiggle But I’m pretty sure I saw my bagel kinda wiggle
Now I’m looking closer My nose scrunches and scrugs What I thought were onions are a thousand tiny bugs!
My knife is all apolished The cream cheese is ajiggle But I’m pretty sure I saw my bagel kinda wiggle
Now I’m looking closer My nose scrunches and scrugs What I thought were onions are a thousand tiny bugs!
01
07 2009
The Parting
I sliced through my bagel, onions and all,
watching two halves flank my knife and then fall;
And there in that instant, decided that I
should not stop myself with a severance so small.
My hand sent the blade crashing down through the plate, its shattering tune did my eardrums elate; I turned to the counter, told it goodbye, and threw myself headlong at my now sealed fate.
Sawing through cupboards and saucepans and grills, never before had life borne such thrills; Down through the floorboards my dagger did fly digging deeper and darker than oilmen’s drills.
Through the earth’s layers my bayonet burst, ’til into the caverns of Hell I’d immersed; Hungering now in the fires I just sigh, why didn’t I think to eat breakfast first?
My hand sent the blade crashing down through the plate, its shattering tune did my eardrums elate; I turned to the counter, told it goodbye, and threw myself headlong at my now sealed fate.
Sawing through cupboards and saucepans and grills, never before had life borne such thrills; Down through the floorboards my dagger did fly digging deeper and darker than oilmen’s drills.
Through the earth’s layers my bayonet burst, ’til into the caverns of Hell I’d immersed; Hungering now in the fires I just sigh, why didn’t I think to eat breakfast first?
30
06 2009
Old Deli Proverb
Old age can bring you an expanding waist,
But with it come wisdom, and refined taste;
Ingredients, though, fare less well with time, Learning only of mold, spoilage and slime;
So if you seek bagels that please your tongue, Keep your baker old, but his onions young.
Ingredients, though, fare less well with time, Learning only of mold, spoilage and slime;
So if you seek bagels that please your tongue, Keep your baker old, but his onions young.
29
06 2009
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