Archive for March, 2009
Ma Bagel
Ma Bagel used to run this town
and everybody in it
She held the House Reps in Her palm
and puppeteered the Senate
Unchecked Her business crushed the hopes of each entrepreneur If you craved onions, wheats or plains you had to go through Her
Her reach was omnipresent with prices nearing rape She ruled all with a Doughy Fist that no one could escape
When finally a lawsuit took Her hands from the controls The hungry people growled no more “Ma has me by the holes!”
Unchecked Her business crushed the hopes of each entrepreneur If you craved onions, wheats or plains you had to go through Her
Her reach was omnipresent with prices nearing rape She ruled all with a Doughy Fist that no one could escape
When finally a lawsuit took Her hands from the controls The hungry people growled no more “Ma has me by the holes!”
10
03 2009
a tissue tirade –or– putting your nose where it doesn’t belong
i take some real issues with soft facial tissues
being utilized as breakfast plates
they’ve many a feature that could make you reach your
wit’s end in desperate straits
when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster to safeguard your palm’s tender skin but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena its armor’s insufficiently thin
also on this topic it would be myopic to think a mere Kleenex could guard from getting quite ripped each time that it’s gripped too tight against an onion shard
and you’ve got a brain disease if you like your cream cheese covered with fine tissue lint and unless you like tallow eating crust smeared with aloe is something you’ll wish that you didn’t
so throw that Scott’s from your hand and yell Puffs you be damned if you don’t want your mouth to feel crapped in for optimum flavor do your taste buds a favor and please put your bagel on a napkin
when hot from the toaster your food needs a coaster to safeguard your palm’s tender skin but in this arena a tissue’s no Xena its armor’s insufficiently thin
also on this topic it would be myopic to think a mere Kleenex could guard from getting quite ripped each time that it’s gripped too tight against an onion shard
and you’ve got a brain disease if you like your cream cheese covered with fine tissue lint and unless you like tallow eating crust smeared with aloe is something you’ll wish that you didn’t
so throw that Scott’s from your hand and yell Puffs you be damned if you don’t want your mouth to feel crapped in for optimum flavor do your taste buds a favor and please put your bagel on a napkin
09
03 2009
one sunday
undaunted by the coming rain,
the townfolk threw a party —
whipped dairy toppings for the kids
and smoked fish for the hearty
men who raised the church
and gave their tithes to heaven —
all hearts puffed full like onion bagels,
fermented with leaven
08
03 2009
Room Service
I drank too many alcohols
To keep my thoughts in order
So when he brought my breakfast
I lambasted the porter
And said he was a commie That his wife looked just like Stalin And then I threw some bottles Which made him put a call in
To the mens in charge Who were quite large And they gave me sneers While I pounded beers But I didn’t care And I let them stare I kicked up my feet But when I went to eat
The tray was filled with bagels Yet when I sorted through that junk Not a one of thems was onion And I knew I’d ordered drunk
And said he was a commie That his wife looked just like Stalin And then I threw some bottles Which made him put a call in
To the mens in charge Who were quite large And they gave me sneers While I pounded beers But I didn’t care And I let them stare I kicked up my feet But when I went to eat
The tray was filled with bagels Yet when I sorted through that junk Not a one of thems was onion And I knew I’d ordered drunk
07
03 2009
leadership is important
i know you’re married
but so am i
and when your bagels pop you know we’ll both know that it’s time
so don’t you worry ’cause i won’t press
and when you say let’s wait you know i’ll sit my onion on its shelf
and soon our spouses join in ’cause the union means we’re all in
and any effing forcefeeders are totally like stalin
and when your bagels pop you know we’ll both know that it’s time
so don’t you worry ’cause i won’t press
and when you say let’s wait you know i’ll sit my onion on its shelf
and soon our spouses join in ’cause the union means we’re all in
and any effing forcefeeders are totally like stalin
06
03 2009
wichita, ks
i remember when this was just meadows
not a condo or strip mall in sight
just a colorful flash of birds’ feathers
and the flit of a young child’s kite
but change fluttered in with the winter wind and onion seeds came along too before i had reached my childhood’s end fragrant bulbs frequently grew
these days the smell from the flour mill brings the answer to every boy’s prayer when crossing the field with your kite in tow the bagels, sweet bagels are everywhere
but change fluttered in with the winter wind and onion seeds came along too before i had reached my childhood’s end fragrant bulbs frequently grew
these days the smell from the flour mill brings the answer to every boy’s prayer when crossing the field with your kite in tow the bagels, sweet bagels are everywhere
05
03 2009
Working in the Toast Mine
My onion bagel
worked overtime this morning
It gets cream cheese and a half for it
But it always makes it totally burned out
It gets cream cheese and a half for it
But it always makes it totally burned out
04
03 2009
The Bagelor
First he picked the Sesame
but when he sent the Other away,
The rivers pouring from his eyes
his true feelings did betray
The memories of departed love were not ones he could shake, So when he had a second chance he said this was a mistake
He broke the fresh-baked Bagel heart of the first one that he chose, Then wisely offered his Onion love the last and final rose
The memories of departed love were not ones he could shake, So when he had a second chance he said this was a mistake
He broke the fresh-baked Bagel heart of the first one that he chose, Then wisely offered his Onion love the last and final rose
