Archive for May, 2009
your test results are in
the hospital facilities
are all state of the art,
with sections for diseases
of the lungs, skin, brain and heart
yet doctors aren’t the only ones who meet such strict criteria, the bar’s set just as high down at the campus cafeteria
the freshest fruits and veggies are brought in every day, and pastas, meats and cheeses form a dazzling buffet
but probably the choicest part would be the bagel station, with every flavor known to man of ringéd dough temptation
plain, egg, garlic, sesame, blueberry, everything and countless others kneel before the mighty onion king
if you don’t want to taste all that or at least give just one lick, then turn around and see a nurse ’cause you are truly sick
yet doctors aren’t the only ones who meet such strict criteria, the bar’s set just as high down at the campus cafeteria
the freshest fruits and veggies are brought in every day, and pastas, meats and cheeses form a dazzling buffet
but probably the choicest part would be the bagel station, with every flavor known to man of ringéd dough temptation
plain, egg, garlic, sesame, blueberry, everything and countless others kneel before the mighty onion king
if you don’t want to taste all that or at least give just one lick, then turn around and see a nurse ’cause you are truly sick
20
05 2009
Haiku #7
Top-to-bottom cut —
Good for onion treats to go,
Yet untoastable.
18
05 2009
absolutely fab
standing proudly
atop the rocky crag
bronze skin shimmering
beneath the glowing sun
shirt unbuttoned
far too far for comfort
and long blonde locks
flowing freely in the wind
you are half man half onion bagel the love spawn of fabio and a particularly attractive wad of dough
you grace the covers of calendars and cookbooks everywhere bringing women and foodies to tears and to their knees
you are half man half onion bagel the love spawn of fabio and a particularly attractive wad of dough
you grace the covers of calendars and cookbooks everywhere bringing women and foodies to tears and to their knees
17
05 2009
Affirmation
Whenever you feel down and out
Like your yeast will never rise,
And day-old plains with warm cream cheese
Are all your money buys
Remember that the world spins round Like a perfectly shaped ring, And the onion bagel inside of you Means you can do anything
Remember that the world spins round Like a perfectly shaped ring, And the onion bagel inside of you Means you can do anything
16
05 2009
Scent by Numbers
At mile marker 98
just past Route 42
I like to put the windows down
and let fresh air blow through
First I pass the rows of corn tall and green like trees Their smell, though nice, sticks in my teeth so I give them a “3”
Next up is the berry patch a sweet and fragrant heaven But too much sugar rots my nose still they get a “7”
Finally the onion fields come up around the bend Their pungent, piercing, bold bouquet earns them a perfect “10”
I breathe in deep and scrunch my nose just like Robert DeNiro Until I pass the cattle ranch — with its stinky, bagel “Zero”
First I pass the rows of corn tall and green like trees Their smell, though nice, sticks in my teeth so I give them a “3”
Next up is the berry patch a sweet and fragrant heaven But too much sugar rots my nose still they get a “7”
Finally the onion fields come up around the bend Their pungent, piercing, bold bouquet earns them a perfect “10”
I breathe in deep and scrunch my nose just like Robert DeNiro Until I pass the cattle ranch — with its stinky, bagel “Zero”
15
05 2009
nice try buddy but you ain’t foolin nobody
getta loada dis guy
hay getta loada him
hethinks he’s areal bright guy
but isay he’s real dim
hetalks likehe’s a tough guy but iknow he’s justbluffin insteada onion bagels he atean english muffin
hetalks likehe’s a tough guy but iknow he’s justbluffin insteada onion bagels he atean english muffin
14
05 2009
About My Bagel
My bagel’s so fresh, like a young baby foal
My bagel’s so wild, onions out of control
My bagel’s so smooth, it should be in a bowl
My bagel’s so rich, it could charge you a toll
My bagel’s so driven, it can reach any goal
My bagel’s so sexy, it’s got a crust mole
My bagel’s so toasty, it’s blacker than coal
My bagel’s so hot, it should stop drop and roll
13
05 2009
The Blunder
I bought a buttered bagel
from the baker in my building,
But when I bit that breaded band
it tasted bland and boring
Betting that the baker boiled a bad batch of his batter,
Betting that the baker boiled a bad batch of his batter,
I barked across the bar that
my bite should have been made better
I’d barely blurted this behest when back came blistering blame: This bunch was baked with onion bulbs, but you bought one marked “Plain”
I’d barely blurted this behest when back came blistering blame: This bunch was baked with onion bulbs, but you bought one marked “Plain”
