Archive for the ‘uncategorized’Category

question for the fda

voodoo bagels
high upon the shelf
infinite power
in your endless loops

when sliced
others are cut
when toasted
another is burned
when eaten
someone else’s breath smells like onion

how can you be legal
anyway?




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11

02 2009

Let’s Talk About Heroes

Let’s talk about Heroes
and all the exciting events from last night’s episode
Let’s really get into it
raising our voices
and gesturing with our arms for emphasis
Let’s review all the powers
that each of them has
and think about which ones we’d like
although we’ll be enthusiastic about it
our decisions will be grounded in logic
Let’s mention the Asian guy
and the cheerleader
and the one who’s going to be in that movie
and the one that can fly
(one of them can fly, right?)

Let’s talk about how
I’ve never really seen the show
so I’ve got a lot of catching up to do
Let’s have green tea
and onion bagels
for hours on end
while you tell me all the things that I’ve missed




10

02 2009

the disappearing light of day

i sat with a bagel
yesterday
and let it teach me
all it knew

every curve
held a lesson
each bit of onion
contained a truth
the top showed me things
the bottom could not
yet the bottom
shared a wiser view

today
i discovered
these teachings were lost
perhaps they were
only a dream

in sadness
and silence
and solitude
i ate it
but honestly, it ate me too




09

02 2009

The Golden One

My father always told me “Onion bagels grow on trees”
And so I spent my school-age years amassing expertise
So I could scour the continents and sail the seven seas
Searching for the only plant that would my soul appease

As time elapsed the hope I had was pushed aside by doubt
For I’d found nothing even though I’d traveled all about
And so I grabbed my father and irately I did shout
He said “I meant to say they don’t – did I leave that word out?”




08

02 2009

Digging a Tunnel

I’m digging a tunnel
From my heart to yours
To carve out this pathway
I’m fighting on all fours

Reminds me of digging
That I did once before
Through an onion bagel
Inside the grocery store

I tore out one section
Just to get it started
Then dug with my finger
Until the insides parted

Before long I had a
Hollow bagel in my cart
Too bad it’s much tougher
For me to win your heart




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06

02 2009

Confession

I’m a churchgoing bagel, Heaven is my goal
I’m a God-fearing bagel, only He can save my soul
I’m a tolerating bagel, I won’t judge a jelly roll
I’m a virtue-laden bagel, which is something to extol

Yet I’m a weak-willed bagel when the Devil takes control
and I can’t stop inserting objects in my onion hole




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05

02 2009

first, the bad news:

the dealer’s corpse was rotting at a quite alarming rate
i couldn’t get the bags of blow to all fit in their crate
on accident i handcuffed my own ankle to the grate
and my partner in a panic crashed our car right out the gate

the fire from the hill was now engulfing the estate
and the sirens in the distance signaled our impending date
i didn’t have much choice but to accept my destined fate
so i grabbed an onion bagel, said a prayer of thanks and ate




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04

02 2009

Bagelicious

Humpty Hump sang about biscuits
Junkyard Dog grabbed all them cakes
Juvenile was crass
(he just said dat ass)
and Wreckx-n-Effect liked rump shakes

Sisqo was partial to dump trucks
Sir Mix-a-Lot needed back
but what you display girl
is an onion bagel
those other guys’ rhymes are all wack




03

02 2009

a bitter bagel to swallow

i wished sincerely
but i fell beneath the stars
i fought for freedom
but i wound up behind bars
i loved completely
but i never was loved back
i planted flowers
but the petals all turned black
i welcomed warmly
but they kicked me to the cold
i cheered the youth on
but they told me i was old
i steered steadfastly
but it only made me carsick
i ordered onion
but i ended up with garlic




01

02 2009

Green Onion Bagel (VI)

What
on Earth
did they put
in this bagel?

Scallions?




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31

01 2009